Evil candles will land in Ari‘s collection. Nice to see KitKat thriving and fucking again. Video is coming, but first I need to sleep more and share the energy I got with other SWs tomorrow.
I try to keep you up to date with Mastodon’s help. At least with nudes and online events.
I took a bath before bringing that frightening bag of bones to the dentist. I have quite an unpleasant past with them but intend to change it. Wish me luck.
If you like my nudes you can support my blog and motivate me to make more of those.
Please, read the content warnings in my posts carefully and do not continue if you feel uncomfortable. Ask for help. Or just ignore me.
This post is my response to all sorts of unwanted feedback I’ve received so far and will be receiving in the future.
it’s OK not to like what I do
I didn’t choose to be born the way I am.
it’s okay not to understand why I do what I do
It’s fine to be confused. Be kind to yourself. That’s what we should all try to do more often.
It’s OK to be different
I don’t want to lose myself in self-promotion, but the world needs to know how I feel.
Creating freedom is far more important than reach. So I refuse to waste my life on platforms like IG. It’s toxic for me and too fake. Even if most people will never click on my links and get to know the real me. That’s okay. Some will.
I ask you to pay attention to my openness and not to play with the powers that come with it. I don’t exist to entertain you or for you to judge me.
I exist to connect minds and build new bridges.
This is my playground. My temple. And my artistic study (all that and so much more).
Not everyone is ready for me. But if you understand me. Or at least want to try, you’re always welcome here. Feel free to be weird. Be yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. I think it’s cool to be curious. Remember how different we can be.
just mind the content warnings!
Love you,
Sicut
UPD – support group at 11 AM CEST is happening as planned, more info will appear here.
My chaturbate room stays embedded at the end of the post. Next time I plan to be online on Monday the 29th of May. To join the Q&A session say hi to me via sw@sicut-dico.com
19.05.2023 15:13 The first round of broadcasting is done, uploading the recorded video now, and will drop it here soon.
Did eventually 2 rounds of broadcasting, received one token at the end, and one comment on Mastodon with a “thank you”.
18.43 Now I feel like I didn’t say even half of what I wanted to say. But let’s count this as one more reason to continue.
20.05.2023 11:59 Here is the recording from yesterday. My imposter syndrome was especially strong this morning telling me to not post the video because I’m too honest, too vulnerable, too stoned, and/or just not good enough. But I decided that I don’t have the right to judge.
13:56 Asked Gene to look at the material, in the meanwhile sent a link for prepayment to a client and talked to another who picks up freshly done candles today. This is a moment to remind myself about my own rule. Actions are always better than words. I’m fully booked in May. June and July are half gone. I have more plans and clients to deal with than I can possibly take as a single human being. I sell candles faster than make them and I didn’t even start advertising the store yet.
No, this is not an accident.
Yes, I totally believe that other people can get there too and this world needs more happy sex workers and free creators of any kind of safe and fun experiences.
Wanna know how I ended up preaching to artists, pimpin’ out queers, and doing sex work for mental health reasons? I’ll tell ya. But let’s start with the main point then.
Yes!
You Can
Do Whatever Makes
YOU
Happy!
Too!
I believe in you! Why? Because I tried and it worked for me. Not all from a first try of course. However.
My website didn’t exist a year ago. I didn’t always feel strong enough to embrace my inner artist, nor to shout loudly into the void about myself, and yet here I am.
I have the urge to share some unpleasant truths. No, it’s not all glittery unicorn poop.
One of them: it’s complicated. And messy at the beginning.
I used to educate myself on marketing and business strategy because I wanted to live an independent life, travel, and buy nice things, but the longer I lived, the more I got to realize that the most important things in this life are not things.
But feelings. Emotions. Experiences. And memories about them.
Money is just a resource. But for some people money is everything. It is sacred, tabooed, and feared. Almost like sex. And together they make a very funny cocktail, not many people yet get to appreciate.
What does it all mean?
Sex work should be destigmatized. And to make this happen we should not be afraid to share how it’s done.
19.05. 13 PM CEST (live on Chaturbate (35-40 min) where I’ll tell my story in steps (intro into my whole life, my professional experience, life after addiction, empowerment effect of SW, values and strategy, why I so much believe in myself and stuff) – streaming will be also available here on my website. The recorded version will be available the next day.
29.05. 11 AM CEST live Q&A session (30-35 min) – request the link via email at sw@sicut-dico.com
(TW: short suicide mention, massive solipsism)
UPD: May is fully booked.
This post is for everyone who actually wants to meet me or cares for me otherwise. Yes, I know it became difficult recently. I’m also freaking out with the speed of my life. But it’s okay. It’s normal for me.
The only solution for this I see is planning. Yes, the plans tend to fall apart, but that’s why we have backup plans, right?
I recharged my batteries and am ready to share. I have a fresh set of warnings though. It’s not gonna get less disturbing than it already is. If it is there, it’s there. If what I say, write, or do is already at least partially disturbing for you – this will only get worse. And it has to get a lot worse before it can get any better. I’m sorry if you are not ready for me. It’s not your fault. Neither it’s mine. The world is broken, not us.
Anyways.
Here is what I have on my plate for the next couple of months in terms of
dates,
locations,
and requests for the universe.
Now you can’t tell me you didn’t know.
I can be booked alone or with co-creators. My calendar is especially well synchronized with Gene and WO and we still have some free dates in July and a strong will to undermine the System.
The first two weeks of May I was freezing my ass to an average temp of +11C in Norway. Turned out it was necessary to speed up the process of killing the old version of myself. That one that wants to kill me from time to time.
Looks like I’ve found its weak spot. Finally!
I’m back in Prague and generally available for bookings and creative exchange here, in Berlin by arrangements, and what’s most important for now: ONLINE.
27.05. – Kitkatclub Berlin – in charge of Let’Z Fetish Academy station (clinic area) – if you plan to be in the club and wish to collaborate on content creation – contact me asap.
19/24/29/31 – creative support groups (CBD project) – free online meetings for creators on topics of motivation, mental health, addictions, financial independence, and productivity.
Online groups on the 19th and 29th with be hosted on Chaturbate. The topic is SEX WORK, of course. Here is a post with more information on this event.
By the end of the month, I’m planning to balance between Prague and Berlin, with a few stops in the Czech countryside.
Accepting recommendations and company for wakeboarding, wind, and kitesurfing locations in CZ, DE and around EU.
We are still looking for a home in Prague for Sil and her 2 children. She is in Kyiv for now but will be back next week and I think this is my most important wish this month: to find a comfortable place for them. So if you know a real estate agent who is not an asshole could be ready to help us, or a landlord renting out 2KK+ or a bigger flat in Prague, or might know one of them, please share this request and point them to me.
UPD: fully booked for June
1st-15th – creative escape in the Czech countryside
8th – Psycho KitKat Berlin,
15th-25th Athens, Greece,
26th-31st Berlin
ONLINE:
5/12/19/26 CBD creative support groups
1 music studio, 1 rehearsal base, accountants, lawyers, drivers, likeminded people, 1 sailing teacher, 1 good psychiatrist, 1 wakeboard trainer
Partially available in Berlin and Prague, planning a show in Prague and another creative escape in the countryside after it.
Feel free to reach out about booking specific dates, my July is flexible until the end of May. More info will appear later.
BDSM ballet’s first action must happen in July, not later. Not sure if I can or should explain why. I trust myself in this and asking you to join me.
If you know me and managed to read until here – write the fuck to me already, let’s plan something. If you don’t know me, but like what I do consider supporting me or spreading the word about my projects.
Love!
Your Mistress is still a criminal according to the local standards. Still, since the bureaucrats can’t really ruin my life due to my marriage with an EU citizen, I’ll only get a fine for bringing my dangerous “narcotics” to this safe county.
I’m utterly exhausted emotionally, but I also feel like it wasn’t just happening with me, it was happening FOR me. So I could eliminate illusions concerning our state of development and awareness.
On Monday I met one more person who was put on my case and I still can’t wrap my head around the idea, that more than a dozen of people were involved in dealing with me and my 5 grams of herb that is growing on this planet perhaps longer than we exist.
Anyways. This probably will seem ridiculous but I feel grateful for this experience. Not to Norwegian police, don’t get me wrong. To myself. For how I managed to handle this crisis.
It’s not the first one for me. And not the last one, most likely. But it’s the first time when I almost immediately shared my feelings here and almost immediately I received support.
Now I’m returning to the original plan of having my sailing vacation and freezing my ass out in this beautiful and windy coldness.
Here are some pictures from my phone so you can also enjoy the landscapes, alpacas and me doing nothing on the boat.
Thank you, darlings, for having my back.
TW: suicidal thoughts and hypocrisy
I don’t know if we should call the mess we all live in a civilization. It’s terribly misleading.
I write this partly to digest the events myself, but mostly to expose the reality.
To whom it may concern. I don’t have a big audience here yet. Also, it doesn’t matter. This is just a step. One of the many steps I need to take to keep moving forward.
Important is that this story will stay here. Just as it will remain in my memory. And, I hope, in the memories of those involved too. Memories are not indexed by search engines though.
On Friday, I wanted to kill myself with a pocket knife or just smash my head against a glass door so that the glass would break and cut my throat, hopefully badly.
No, this is not a metaphor.
I had these thoughts at the police station, where I was being detained for bringing CBD weed into Norway.
I wanted them to scrap my blood from the floor and question their own existence, whilst my suffering would be ended.
When they let me out (but kept my passport so I had to show up the next day), my suicidal plan scenery moved over & outside, to somewhere in the main square of this town.
I know what that looks like. Stop reading if this triggers you.
It’s horrible. Disturbing. Stupid. And yet, it’s real. It happens to me.
When I checked into the hotel I was allowed to stay for that night.
I asked for an emergency phone number to call in case of a mental health crisis. I knew I needed help. I knew the thoughts I was having were not okay.
Do you think I was able to talk to anyone? No. The best I got was a chat service that told me they wanted to be there for me, and then, I guess, moved on to the next line.
Like I said. Civilization is a misnomer. It’s just an illusion. Maybe it works for the rich or the insensitive. I am neither type.
Writing all of this makes me feel so silly after the crisis is over. But I have to do it. This is not the kind of post I had planned to write. But it’s the kind of message this world needs to read.
My therapist asks me to be kind and patient with myself.
So I try. That’s why you can read it here. And that’s partly why I’m still breathing.
But I am trapped in my own logic. It’s all my fault, of course. For bringing the weed. For not checking all the rules, but falling for the truth that I wanted to be real (that it’s 2023 and medical cannabis is a normal part of life).
But no. Apparently, this is not the case in Norway. Here I am a criminal.
Today, for an hour, a Russian voice read official documents to me over the phone as I sat in the police station surrounded by three officers. I asked that the Russian language not be used, as it is a trigger for me, especially when people in uniform surround me.
But they said they are doing what is right.
It was a real torture for me. Even though everyone was very polite and no one touched me, of course, I still felt tortured. I can also say that not everyone enjoyed it. But some did. I know what sadists look like. I’m one too.
I think I should also mention here that I was harassed and beaten by the police in my own country. Seems like that memory has stayed with me much deeper than I thought.
Anyway. I’m out of crisis for now, we’ve rejoined our company on the boat and I’m technically free until Monday. I have a therapy session scheduled for tomorrow and then I hope to enjoy the fjords a bit.
On Friday I was processed by 4 police officers and I’m not counting the people who searched us and my car once they got us. I’m sure it was more than 5 of them plus a dog. I didn’t hide anything since I didn’t consider it illegal, but they still undressed us and threw all our belongings to the floor and dirty benches around.
On Saturday I had 3 people dealing with me at the station, plus the translator spoke to me on the phone.
However, my point here is that so far me, my 6,5g (together with the bag btw) of CBD weed, has gotten the attention of more than 10 government employees. And I’m only counting the people I spoke with or saw with my own eyes.
I hope Norwegian people feel very safe.
NB. Apparently, Norwegian police people believe that telling me that I “speak good English for a russian” – is totally a valid compliment and not at all an insult. Well. They also called Czech Republic “Czechoslovakia”, so I guess it fits the whole picture.
I thought I couldn’t go any further in terms of weird marketing after the candle store, but here we are.
Last morning I drove White Orchestra to Prague from the cottage where we’d been hiding out for the past few days, including my birthday. After watching Sasha work remotely at her so-called real job, I wasn’t sure if she could handle the two jobs I had just offered her.
We tried to reach the subway so she could get to the office by 9 am. We failed miserably btw. But thanks to the horrible morning traffic, we had an extra half hour to panic together and talk.
Hearing parts of her endless company meetings was depressing, but also motivating for me in the end. I almost forgot how helpless you feel during those events especially if you need someone to approve something that is not 100% going to bring money right away.
This is where I realized that I have another incredible power.
I can have a social media manager who doesn’t need to get each post approved. Does not have to take tickets for tasks and count their working time longer than she actually works. I can afford to trust the artist. Because I believe it can work. Because it’s not all just about money.
And this is a perfect introduction to my pants-on project. The one that made me reconsider my affairs with Patreon recently.
“Can Be Done” is meant to expose my knowledge and experience in marketing and business strategy for the sake of art and the financial freedom of artists. Also to provide them with the necessary technical support by sharing or creating opensource based solutions.
CBD’s strategy is partly based on the so-called direct distribution approach (yes, the one Tupperware and Oriflame use), but slightly more sophisticated, where artists (I’ll call them CBD agents or simply the Agents further) will be able to use our magic and resources for their own needs first, and if they want to, they can later bring other artists on board to co-create.
Each Agent can have their own tasks and benefits, but the general goal is to build a community of proactive creators and actually
do
make
things
happen.
I originally intended not to publish a single article on CBD myself. Or to publish very little. And let the real heroes tell their stories instead. I believe in this because I already know many of those stories and heroes.
But the biggest pleasure in all this for me is to see things grow from nothing, right before your eyes. That’s where the magic is. I just didn’t fully understand how to do it until now.
Now I do. By exposing the communication. The rules. The steps. The exceptions. The failures and misunderstandings. Anything that can be useful. Everything that is important.
I’ll simply start listing the names and tasks in posts here and we all can see what comes out of this. Sicut-dico.com is only one of the projects powered by CBD and WO’s first job will be to help me manage social media, on top of the visual directing that she is already doing.
The main task of the social media manager at sicut-dico.com is to get more people to land here. As simple as that. (Some will read my posts, some will understand me, some won’t. A few will buy my candles. Others will be offended and hopefully wreck their device with a hammer find the “close” button.) Specific tasks in prioritized order are listed below.
1) All public posts on this website should somehow be reflected on the Instagram feed. I see this as a gallery with screenshots of the website. Please consider the warnings and inclusivity, but otherwise feel free to put your own comment in the text fields. Also, you need to make my website content “safe” for Instagram, you know the drill. Start with the new landing page. Then go for the “social media statement” and “how to” posts (Some posts don’t have featured images. When you have something visual to add to posts upload it to the drive with proper naming and let me know).
2) Once you have established some routine for Instagram, I’d like you to fill out my LinkedIn profile and think about posting strategies for it. I have someone who has agreed to consult on this, if you have specific questions, send them to me in text format.
3) Next on the list will be Reddit. I have no idea what the strategy is for Reddit. I would like the solution to come from as many people as possible. Maybe we should ask the IG and Mastodon audience for advice on what kind of Reddit-proof content they would like to see.
4) Please take over Sil’s email job for SD for now. Since you have her laptop anyway and need to learn the context especially. But once Sil is ready to take it back, you can hand it off to her and brief her.
– Establish consistent communication with Gene, another Agent who actually has been testing our magic the longest. Discuss together the areas of work you are considering (we already have grants and music videos, but there may be more.) Try to prioritize them.
– Start the hiring process for CBD (see task #4 for SD).
– Add products to your profile post and start creating similar posts for Gene, another Sasha who works for CBD.
CBD tasks are not ordered or prioritized yet, feel free to manage them at your own pace. Please assign deadlines yourself in our progress file for SD. There is no progress file for CBD yet, feel free to create it and share it with me and Gene, we definitely need one now.
I’m rewriting CBD landing concept to fully get rid of Patreon mentions. I guess we should save some screenshots of the old version for history (Sasha, could you please grab this task too).
One thing I know for sure. It might take a lot of energy to make words turn into action. So on top of the blog and individual solutions, I’d like to try to host weekly motivational support meetings for artists of any kind. Dates and topics TBA soon. Donation based.
If you want to be updated via email send me a blank request to newsletter@sicut-dico.com
Here are the ways to support my work.
The custom pick-up option means that your order will be delivered to a location in the city and available there to pick up for 2 weeks for free. The option appears if you set your billing address to Berlin and Prague, soon I’ll add similar options for Paris and London. The exact locations will be disclosed in the final email with order details.