Sicut-Dico

Category: Public post

  • SW support group June

    NSFW

    Let’s keep it here for the record. No matter what I start doing in this life – I have those moments of self-doubt. If I should really do what I have imagined?

    I was rather unhappy with how I handled this group in May, I could have done so much better I thought. I even thought about shutting down this project once or twice.

    ALWAYS. Every fucking time.

    The only reason things are happening in my life – I don’t let the doubts win. I always have to try and see what happens next. And almost always it is worth the effort.

    So let’s try to keep going. This month I think I’m more or less happy with the messages that I’ve prepared for you. The recording is below with time codes by block.

    Here is the email for your questions or requests to join in whatever format – sw@sicut-dico.com

    Also

    In the video, I’m mentioning that I consider sex work to be performance art. I highly recommend looking into Marina Abramovich’s view of performance art essentials for everyone who would want to join my perspective. Start with this lecture for instance.

    00:00 – part 1/6 – organizational block; communication request: what is support for you? invitation to try different formats

    10:25 – part 2/6 – undressing and bla-bla – nothing meaningful, just the moment where I’m getting naked

    12:50 – part 4/6 – preaching: sex work is a kind of performance art (why we need more happy sw’s to save the world)

    30:00 – part 4/6 – explaining my web strategy pillars: safety, sensitivity, clear borders, warnings, and small steps. Everything in this world has a price.

    46:34 – part 5/6 – comments on my own website

    54:10 – task talk with white and unsorted stuff, a bit of preaching, also the moment where I explain why we will get banned on IG.

    If you like what I’m doing, please, help to spread the word about my project or consider supporting my blog.

  • Protected: Q&A May

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  • Let’Z Fetish 27.05. RAW

    Most of the content I created last night was video and it needs to be processed. This post is just a pile of data available at the moment and my typical gratitude to the audience and people who have trusted me in other ways
    On the menu we had candles and sessions. In addition, we performed blind temperature sensitivity tests and collected lots of fun data. I’m impressed. But we need more data.
    Of course, one other person touched me because I’m so sweet and naked and everything is love. Of course, that person was taken to our sweet and friendly security team upstairs. I feel like we should talk about rules more often and not when someone has already slapped my arse while I was closing my bags at 6 am. Way before.
    I’m not sure I want to run a Telegram channel again, but it seems the Berlin crowd is using it one way or another. For now, I try to keep you up to date with Mastodon’s help. At least with nudes and online events.

    Evil candles will land in Ari‘s collection. Nice to see KitKat thriving and fucking again. Video is coming, but first I need to sleep more and share the energy I got with other SWs tomorrow.

    I try to keep you up to date with Mastodon’s help. At least with nudes and online events.

  • Monday nudes (vertical video)

    I took a bath before bringing that frightening bag of bones to the dentist. I have quite an unpleasant past with them but intend to change it. Wish me luck.

    If you like my nudes you can support my blog and motivate me to make more of those.

  • Ultimate warnings

    Please, read the content warnings in my posts carefully and do not continue if you feel uncomfortable. Ask for help. Or just ignore me.

    This post is my response to all sorts of unwanted feedback I’ve received so far and will be receiving in the future.

    it’s OK not to like what I do
    I didn’t choose to be born the way I am.

    it’s okay not to understand why I do what I do
    It’s fine to be confused. Be kind to yourself. That’s what we should all try to do more often.

    It’s OK to be different
    I don’t want to lose myself in self-promotion, but the world needs to know how I feel.

    Creating freedom is far more important than reach. So I refuse to waste my life on platforms like IG. It’s toxic for me and too fake. Even if most people will never click on my links and get to know the real me. That’s okay. Some will.

    I ask you to pay attention to my openness and not to play with the powers that come with it. I don’t exist to entertain you or for you to judge me.

    I exist to connect minds and build new bridges.

    This is my playground. My temple. And my artistic study (all that and so much more).

    Not everyone is ready for me. But if you understand me. Or at least want to try, you’re always welcome here. Feel free to be weird. Be yourself.

    There’s nothing wrong with asking questions. I think it’s cool to be curious. Remember how different we can be.

    just mind the content warnings!

    Love you,

    Sicut

  • SWSG LIVE MAY

    UPD – support group at 11 AM CEST is happening as planned, more info will appear here.

    My chaturbate room stays embedded at the end of the post. Next time I plan to be online on Monday the 29th of May. To join the Q&A session say hi to me via sw@sicut-dico.com

    19.05.2023 15:13 The first round of broadcasting is done, uploading the recorded video now, and will drop it here soon.

    Did eventually 2 rounds of broadcasting, received one token at the end, and one comment on Mastodon with a “thank you”.

    18.43 Now I feel like I didn’t say even half of what I wanted to say. But let’s count this as one more reason to continue.

    20.05.2023 11:59 Here is the recording from yesterday. My imposter syndrome was especially strong this morning telling me to not post the video because I’m too honest, too vulnerable, too stoned, and/or just not good enough. But I decided that I don’t have the right to judge.

    uncut and unedited so far – will reprocess it and add subtitles later if anyone else finds it helpful

    13:56 Asked Gene to look at the material, in the meanwhile sent a link for prepayment to a client and talked to another who picks up freshly done candles today. This is a moment to remind myself about my own rule. Actions are always better than words. I’m fully booked in May. June and July are half gone. I have more plans and clients to deal with than I can possibly take as a single human being. I sell candles faster than make them and I didn’t even start advertising the store yet.

    No, this is not an accident.

    Yes, I totally believe that other people can get there too and this world needs more happy sex workers and free creators of any kind of safe and fun experiences.

  • SW support group

    Wanna know how I ended up preaching to artists, pimpin’ out queers, and doing sex work for mental health reasons? I’ll tell ya. But let’s start with the main point then.

    Yes!

    You Can

    Do Whatever Makes

    YOU

    Happy!

    Too!

    I believe in you! Why? Because I tried and it worked for me. Not all from a first try of course. However.

    My website didn’t exist a year ago. I didn’t always feel strong enough to embrace my inner artist, nor to shout loudly into the void about myself, and yet here I am. 

    I have the urge to share some unpleasant truths. No, it’s not all glittery unicorn poop.

    One of them: it’s complicated. And messy at the beginning. 

    I used to educate myself on marketing and business strategy because I wanted to live an independent life, travel, and buy nice things, but the longer I lived, the more I got to realize that the most important things in this life are not things.

    But feelings. Emotions. Experiences. And memories about them. 

    Money is just a resource. But for some people money is everything. It is sacred, tabooed, and feared. Almost like sex. And together they make a very funny cocktail, not many people yet get to appreciate. 

    What does it all mean?

    Sex work should be destigmatized. And to make this happen we should not be afraid to share how it’s done. 

    19.05. 13 PM CEST (live on Chaturbate (35-40 min) where I’ll tell my story in steps (intro into my whole life, my professional experience, life after addiction, empowerment effect of SW, values and strategy, why I so much believe in myself and stuff) – streaming will be also available here on my website. The recorded version will be available the next day. 

    29.05. 11 AM CEST live Q&A session (30-35 min) – request the link via email at sw@sicut-dico.com

  • Dates and locations

    (TW: short suicide mention, massive solipsism)

    UPD: May is fully booked.

    This post is for everyone who actually wants to meet me or cares for me otherwise. Yes, I know it became difficult recently. I’m also freaking out with the speed of my life. But it’s okay. It’s normal for me.

    The only solution for this I see is planning. Yes, the plans tend to fall apart, but that’s why we have backup plans, right?

    I recharged my batteries and am ready to share. I have a fresh set of warnings though. It’s not gonna get less disturbing than it already is. If it is there, it’s there. If what I say, write, or do is already at least partially disturbing for you – this will only get worse. And it has to get a lot worse before it can get any better. I’m sorry if you are not ready for me. It’s not your fault. Neither it’s mine. The world is broken, not us.

    Anyways.

    Here is what I have on my plate for the next couple of months in terms of

    dates,

    locations,

    and requests for the universe.

    Now you can’t tell me you didn’t know.

    I can be booked alone or with co-creators. My calendar is especially well synchronized with Gene and WO and we still have some free dates in July and a strong will to undermine the System.

    May

    The first two weeks of May I was freezing my ass to an average temp of +11C in Norway. Turned out it was necessary to speed up the process of killing the old version of myself. That one that wants to kill me from time to time.

    Looks like I’ve found its weak spot. Finally!

    I’m back in Prague and generally available for bookings and creative exchange here, in Berlin by arrangements, and what’s most important for now: ONLINE.

    Dates:

    27.05. – Kitkatclub Berlin – in charge of Let’Z Fetish Academy station (clinic area) – if you plan to be in the club and wish to collaborate on content creation – contact me asap.

    19/24/29/31 – creative support groups (CBD project) – free online meetings for creators on topics of motivation, mental health, addictions, financial independence, and productivity.

    Online groups on the 19th and 29th with be hosted on Chaturbate. The topic is SEX WORK, of course. Here is a post with more information on this event.

    Locations:

    By the end of the month, I’m planning to balance between Prague and Berlin, with a few stops in the Czech countryside.

    Accepting recommendations and company for wakeboarding, wind, and kitesurfing locations in CZ, DE and around EU.

    Requests to the universe:

    We are still looking for a home in Prague for Sil and her 2 children. She is in Kyiv for now but will be back next week and I think this is my most important wish this month: to find a comfortable place for them. So if you know a real estate agent who is not an asshole could be ready to help us, or a landlord renting out 2KK+ or a bigger flat in Prague, or might know one of them, please share this request and point them to me.

    June

    UPD: fully booked for June

    dates & Locations:

    1st-15th – creative escape in the Czech countryside

    8th – Psycho KitKat Berlin,

    15th-25th Athens, Greece,

    26th-31st Berlin

    ONLINE:

    5/12/19/26 CBD creative support groups

    Requests to the universe:

    1 music studio, 1 rehearsal base, accountants, lawyers, drivers, likeminded people, 1 sailing teacher, 1 good psychiatrist, 1 wakeboard trainer

    July

    Partially available in Berlin and Prague, planning a show in Prague and another creative escape in the countryside after it.

    Feel free to reach out about booking specific dates, my July is flexible until the end of May. More info will appear later.

    Requests to the universe:

    BDSM ballet’s first action must happen in July, not later. Not sure if I can or should explain why. I trust myself in this and asking you to join me.

    If you know me and managed to read until here – write the fuck to me already, let’s plan something. If you don’t know me, but like what I do consider supporting me or spreading the word about my projects.

    Love!

  • Good news, everyone!

    Your Mistress is still a criminal according to the local standards. Still, since the bureaucrats can’t really ruin my life due to my marriage with an EU citizen, I’ll only get a fine for bringing my dangerous “narcotics” to this safe county.

    I’m utterly exhausted emotionally, but I also feel like it wasn’t just happening with me, it was happening FOR me. So I could eliminate illusions concerning our state of development and awareness.

    On Monday I met one more person who was put on my case and I still can’t wrap my head around the idea, that more than a dozen of people were involved in dealing with me and my 5 grams of herb that is growing on this planet perhaps longer than we exist.

    Anyways. This probably will seem ridiculous but I feel grateful for this experience. Not to Norwegian police, don’t get me wrong. To myself. For how I managed to handle this crisis.

    It’s not the first one for me. And not the last one, most likely. But it’s the first time when I almost immediately shared my feelings here and almost immediately I received support.

    Now I’m returning to the original plan of having my sailing vacation and freezing my ass out in this beautiful and windy coldness.

    Here are some pictures from my phone so you can also enjoy the landscapes, alpacas and me doing nothing on the boat.

    Thank you, darlings, for having my back.

  • Suicidal crisis in Norway

    TW: suicidal thoughts and hypocrisy

    I don’t know if we should call the mess we all live in a civilization. It’s terribly misleading.

    I write this partly to digest the events myself, but mostly to expose the reality.

    To whom it may concern. I don’t have a big audience here yet. Also, it doesn’t matter. This is just a step. One of the many steps I need to take to keep moving forward.

    Important is that this story will stay here. Just as it will remain in my memory. And, I hope, in the memories of those involved too. Memories are not indexed by search engines though.

    Let’s start with the emotional part first

    On Friday, I wanted to kill myself with a pocket knife or just smash my head against a glass door so that the glass would break and cut my throat, hopefully badly.

    No, this is not a metaphor.

    I had these thoughts at the police station, where I was being detained for bringing CBD weed into Norway.

    I wanted them to scrap my blood from the floor and question their own existence, whilst my suffering would be ended.

    When they let me out (but kept my passport so I had to show up the next day), my suicidal plan scenery moved over & outside, to somewhere in the main square of this town.

    I know what that looks like. Stop reading if this triggers you.

    It’s horrible. Disturbing. Stupid. And yet, it’s real. It happens to me.

    When I checked into the hotel I was allowed to stay for that night.

    I asked for an emergency phone number to call in case of a mental health crisis. I knew I needed help. I knew the thoughts I was having were not okay.

    Do you think I was able to talk to anyone? No. The best I got was a chat service that told me they wanted to be there for me, and then, I guess, moved on to the next line.

    Like I said. Civilization is a misnomer. It’s just an illusion. Maybe it works for the rich or the insensitive. I am neither type.

    Writing all of this makes me feel so silly after the crisis is over. But I have to do it. This is not the kind of post I had planned to write. But it’s the kind of message this world needs to read.

    My therapist asks me to be kind and patient with myself.

    So I try. That’s why you can read it here. And that’s partly why I’m still breathing.

    But I am trapped in my own logic. It’s all my fault, of course. For bringing the weed. For not checking all the rules, but falling for the truth that I wanted to be real (that it’s 2023 and medical cannabis is a normal part of life).

    But no. Apparently, this is not the case in Norway. Here I am a criminal.

    UPD SATURDAY EVENING

    Today, for an hour, a Russian voice read official documents to me over the phone as I sat in the police station surrounded by three officers. I asked that the Russian language not be used, as it is a trigger for me, especially when people in uniform surround me.

    But they said they are doing what is right.

    It was a real torture for me. Even though everyone was very polite and no one touched me, of course, I still felt tortured. I can also say that not everyone enjoyed it. But some did. I know what sadists look like. I’m one too.

    I think I should also mention here that I was harassed and beaten by the police in my own country. Seems like that memory has stayed with me much deeper than I thought.

    Anyway. I’m out of crisis for now, we’ve rejoined our company on the boat and I’m technically free until Monday. I have a therapy session scheduled for tomorrow and then I hope to enjoy the fjords a bit.

    Now let’s get to the factual part

    On Friday I was processed by 4 police officers and I’m not counting the people who searched us and my car once they got us. I’m sure it was more than 5 of them plus a dog. I didn’t hide anything since I didn’t consider it illegal, but they still undressed us and threw all our belongings to the floor and dirty benches around.

    On Saturday I had 3 people dealing with me at the station, plus the translator spoke to me on the phone.

    However, my point here is that so far me, my 6,5g (together with the bag btw) of CBD weed, has gotten the attention of more than 10 government employees. And I’m only counting the people I spoke with or saw with my own eyes.

    I hope Norwegian people feel very safe.

    NB. Apparently, Norwegian police people believe that telling me that I “speak good English for a russian” – is totally a valid compliment and not at all an insult. Well. They also called Czech Republic “Czechoslovakia”, so I guess it fits the whole picture.