Sicut-Dico

Category: Updates

  • Good news, everyone!

    Your Mistress is still a criminal according to the local standards. Still, since the bureaucrats can’t really ruin my life due to my marriage with an EU citizen, I’ll only get a fine for bringing my dangerous “narcotics” to this safe county.

    I’m utterly exhausted emotionally, but I also feel like it wasn’t just happening with me, it was happening FOR me. So I could eliminate illusions concerning our state of development and awareness.

    On Monday I met one more person who was put on my case and I still can’t wrap my head around the idea, that more than a dozen of people were involved in dealing with me and my 5 grams of herb that is growing on this planet perhaps longer than we exist.

    Anyways. This probably will seem ridiculous but I feel grateful for this experience. Not to Norwegian police, don’t get me wrong. To myself. For how I managed to handle this crisis.

    It’s not the first one for me. And not the last one, most likely. But it’s the first time when I almost immediately shared my feelings here and almost immediately I received support.

    Now I’m returning to the original plan of having my sailing vacation and freezing my ass out in this beautiful and windy coldness.

    Here are some pictures from my phone so you can also enjoy the landscapes, alpacas and me doing nothing on the boat.

    Thank you, darlings, for having my back.

  • Suicidal crisis in Norway

    TW: suicidal thoughts and hypocrisy

    I don’t know if we should call the mess we all live in a civilization. It’s terribly misleading.

    I write this partly to digest the events myself, but mostly to expose the reality.

    To whom it may concern. I don’t have a big audience here yet. Also, it doesn’t matter. This is just a step. One of the many steps I need to take to keep moving forward.

    Important is that this story will stay here. Just as it will remain in my memory. And, I hope, in the memories of those involved too. Memories are not indexed by search engines though.

    Let’s start with the emotional part first

    On Friday, I wanted to kill myself with a pocket knife or just smash my head against a glass door so that the glass would break and cut my throat, hopefully badly.

    No, this is not a metaphor.

    I had these thoughts at the police station, where I was being detained for bringing CBD weed into Norway.

    I wanted them to scrap my blood from the floor and question their own existence, whilst my suffering would be ended.

    When they let me out (but kept my passport so I had to show up the next day), my suicidal plan scenery moved over & outside, to somewhere in the main square of this town.

    I know what that looks like. Stop reading if this triggers you.

    It’s horrible. Disturbing. Stupid. And yet, it’s real. It happens to me.

    When I checked into the hotel I was allowed to stay for that night.

    I asked for an emergency phone number to call in case of a mental health crisis. I knew I needed help. I knew the thoughts I was having were not okay.

    Do you think I was able to talk to anyone? No. The best I got was a chat service that told me they wanted to be there for me, and then, I guess, moved on to the next line.

    Like I said. Civilization is a misnomer. It’s just an illusion. Maybe it works for the rich or the insensitive. I am neither type.

    Writing all of this makes me feel so silly after the crisis is over. But I have to do it. This is not the kind of post I had planned to write. But it’s the kind of message this world needs to read.

    My therapist asks me to be kind and patient with myself.

    So I try. That’s why you can read it here. And that’s partly why I’m still breathing.

    But I am trapped in my own logic. It’s all my fault, of course. For bringing the weed. For not checking all the rules, but falling for the truth that I wanted to be real (that it’s 2023 and medical cannabis is a normal part of life).

    But no. Apparently, this is not the case in Norway. Here I am a criminal.

    UPD SATURDAY EVENING

    Today, for an hour, a Russian voice read official documents to me over the phone as I sat in the police station surrounded by three officers. I asked that the Russian language not be used, as it is a trigger for me, especially when people in uniform surround me.

    But they said they are doing what is right.

    It was a real torture for me. Even though everyone was very polite and no one touched me, of course, I still felt tortured. I can also say that not everyone enjoyed it. But some did. I know what sadists look like. I’m one too.

    I think I should also mention here that I was harassed and beaten by the police in my own country. Seems like that memory has stayed with me much deeper than I thought.

    Anyway. I’m out of crisis for now, we’ve rejoined our company on the boat and I’m technically free until Monday. I have a therapy session scheduled for tomorrow and then I hope to enjoy the fjords a bit.

    Now let’s get to the factual part

    On Friday I was processed by 4 police officers and I’m not counting the people who searched us and my car once they got us. I’m sure it was more than 5 of them plus a dog. I didn’t hide anything since I didn’t consider it illegal, but they still undressed us and threw all our belongings to the floor and dirty benches around.

    On Saturday I had 3 people dealing with me at the station, plus the translator spoke to me on the phone.

    However, my point here is that so far me, my 6,5g (together with the bag btw) of CBD weed, has gotten the attention of more than 10 government employees. And I’m only counting the people I spoke with or saw with my own eyes.

    I hope Norwegian people feel very safe.

    NB. Apparently, Norwegian police people believe that telling me that I “speak good English for a russian” – is totally a valid compliment and not at all an insult. Well. They also called Czech Republic “Czechoslovakia”, so I guess it fits the whole picture.

  • Can Be Done

    I thought I couldn’t go any further in terms of weird marketing after the candle store, but here we are.

    Life never gives up on educating us

    Last morning I drove White Orchestra to Prague from the cottage where we’d been hiding out for the past few days, including my birthday. After watching Sasha work remotely at her so-called real job, I wasn’t sure if she could handle the two jobs I had just offered her.

    We tried to reach the subway so she could get to the office by 9 am. We failed miserably btw. But thanks to the horrible morning traffic, we had an extra half hour to panic together and talk.

    Hearing parts of her endless company meetings was depressing, but also motivating for me in the end. I almost forgot how helpless you feel during those events especially if you need someone to approve something that is not 100% going to bring money right away.

    This is where I realized that I have another incredible power.

    I may be poor compared to all those Ritalin-infused people in suits, but I am free

    I can have a social media manager who doesn’t need to get each post approved. Does not have to take tickets for tasks and count their working time longer than she actually works. I can afford to trust the artist. Because I believe it can work. Because it’s not all just about money.

    And this is a perfect introduction to my pants-on project. The one that made me reconsider my affairs with Patreon recently.

    “Can Be Done” is meant to expose my knowledge and experience in marketing and business strategy for the sake of art and the financial freedom of artists. Also to provide them with the necessary technical support by sharing or creating opensource based solutions.

    CBD’s strategy is partly based on the so-called direct distribution approach (yes, the one Tupperware and Oriflame use), but slightly more sophisticated, where artists (I’ll call them CBD agents or simply the Agents further) will be able to use our magic and resources for their own needs first, and if they want to, they can later bring other artists on board to co-create.

    Non-toxic productivity exists in trying

    Each Agent can have their own tasks and benefits, but the general goal is to build a community of proactive creators and actually

    do

    make

    things

    happen.

    I originally intended not to publish a single article on CBD myself. Or to publish very little. And let the real heroes tell their stories instead. I believe in this because I already know many of those stories and heroes.

    But the biggest pleasure in all this for me is to see things grow from nothing, right before your eyes. That’s where the magic is. I just didn’t fully understand how to do it until now.

    Now I do. By exposing the communication. The rules. The steps. The exceptions. The failures and misunderstandings. Anything that can be useful. Everything that is important.

    I’ll simply start listing the names and tasks in posts here and we all can see what comes out of this. Sicut-dico.com is only one of the projects powered by CBD and WO’s first job will be to help me manage social media, on top of the visual directing that she is already doing.

    tasks for sicut-dico.com

    The main task of the social media manager at sicut-dico.com is to get more people to land here. As simple as that. (Some will read my posts, some will understand me, some won’t. A few will buy my candles. Others will be offended and hopefully wreck their device with a hammer find the “close” button.) Specific tasks in prioritized order are listed below.

    1) All public posts on this website should somehow be reflected on the Instagram feed. I see this as a gallery with screenshots of the website. Please consider the warnings and inclusivity, but otherwise feel free to put your own comment in the text fields. Also, you need to make my website content “safe” for Instagram, you know the drill. Start with the new landing page. Then go for the “social media statement” and “how to” posts (Some posts don’t have featured images. When you have something visual to add to posts upload it to the drive with proper naming and let me know).

    2) Once you have established some routine for Instagram, I’d like you to fill out my LinkedIn profile and think about posting strategies for it. I have someone who has agreed to consult on this, if you have specific questions, send them to me in text format.

    3) Next on the list will be Reddit. I have no idea what the strategy is for Reddit. I would like the solution to come from as many people as possible. Maybe we should ask the IG and Mastodon audience for advice on what kind of Reddit-proof content they would like to see.

    4) Please take over Sil’s email job for SD for now. Since you have her laptop anyway and need to learn the context especially. But once Sil is ready to take it back, you can hand it off to her and brief her. 

    tasks for canbed.one

    – Establish consistent communication with Gene, another Agent who actually has been testing our magic the longest. Discuss together the areas of work you are considering (we already have grants and music videos, but there may be more.) Try to prioritize them.

    – Start the hiring process for CBD (see task #4 for SD).

    – Add products to your profile post and start creating similar posts for Gene, another Sasha who works for CBD.

    CBD tasks are not ordered or prioritized yet, feel free to manage them at your own pace. Please assign deadlines yourself in our progress file for SD. There is no progress file for CBD yet, feel free to create it and share it with me and Gene, we definitely need one now.

    What is next?

    I’m rewriting CBD landing concept to fully get rid of Patreon mentions. I guess we should save some screenshots of the old version for history (Sasha, could you please grab this task too).

    One thing I know for sure. It might take a lot of energy to make words turn into action. So on top of the blog and individual solutions, I’d like to try to host weekly motivational support meetings for artists of any kind. Dates and topics TBA soon. Donation based.

    If you want to be updated via email send me a blank request to newsletter@sicut-dico.com

    Here are the ways to support my work.

  • Naked for Ukraine 13.03.2023

    TW: nudity, war, capitalism

    Welcome to my punished Monday!

    I decided to show you my day today. As close as possible.

    You can watch me working on my website and waxplay project. Naked. All the tips collected today will go to helping Ukraine or in my case specific Ukrainians.

    But money is not the main goal here. I feel the need to do this for a few bigger reasons. I’ll explain them on the way.

    Now let’s start with the show. I plan to be online until 9 pm Berlin time with 30 min breaks every 1,5 hours.

    All updates appear here below.

    let’s go!

    11:32 As usual the first attempt to broadcast failed. I’m restarting my laptop and I’m online now.

    11:44 The first statement here today was originally meant for one specific person, but I think it might be useful for a lot more people to hear it.

    You have an absolute right to do what you want in this life and not what old white people in suits want you to.

    Your life belongs to you. The world belongs to you. Not the other way around.

    Artists have superpowers. They can process pain and anger into something else. Something beautiful.

    The world is abusing artists. Don’t let them.

    12:20 Posted an announcement on Mastodon

    Did a small workout with a broomstick and sent some work emails.

    The next round will be in the kitchen: I’m not sure if I want to make candles or cheesecake first, but you will get more action for sure.

    12:59 Off for the first break. See you in half an hour

    13:45 back for the next live round. This time we are in my kitchen and we start with candles.

    14:34 Looks like I have a forced break. I’ll restart the system and come back

    14:45 Small candles are in the fridge, I’m staying online a bit longer to finish UV reflective tips for big candles.

    15:32 I’m tired and having another break. We will continue with the kitchen business in half an hour.

    Here we are
    17:27 current POV

    Cheesecake is canceled due to the lack of mascarpone in the nearby supermarket but I’m almost done with the set of candles.

    I miss Sil so much! On the other hand, this experience alone is valuable as hell. I received a lot of silly compliments, a bunch of new followers on different platforms, and got used to the camera even more.

    This was the good stuff. Now let’s get to the answers I promised you earlier.

    The blue elephant in the yellow room
    Some posts are not easy. But very necessary.

    20:28 I ordered pizza, wrote a few more emails, booked a ticket to Berlin for this weekend, edited and published a post, wrote another email, finished a few more candles, and now checking my list for today.

    21.03 As usual, not done with all the tasks. But it’s normal for me.

    I’m a bit exhausted so it’s time to say good night to yall and relax.

    Thanks to everyone who joined me today and those who helped me to feel real!

  • €205.19

    My dear Patrons! (I’m not just talking about the current ones, but all those who have supported me financially throughout this year and who, for one reason or another, have stopped.) In the previous post about my disappointment with Patreon as a platform, I don’t intend to devalue the enormous support you’ve given me through it.

    Money from my art

    Today I withdrew €205.19 that I received via Patreon over the past year and I intend to transfer it to the artist who curates my candle shop. The amount of money is not really significant, but I think it is much more valuable to have the privilege of reinvesting that money in another artist. I thought you might want to celebrate with me. All of it.

    €205.19 is what’s left after Patreon takes its commission and taxes. The original amount of pledges I got was €256,47 (- €2,38 pledges to other creators).

    I feel like it’s important to share more statistics about this experience. I don’t consider it very successful, but I believe it played an essential role in my self-development process.

    Here is the screenshot of the transactions without names or emails but with lifetime amounts of pledges and dates:

    Between March and November 2022 I almost didn’t post anything and as a result didn’t advertise my blog

    I basically had two rounds of patrons – people who already knew me when I just started my blog in March and people who got to know me later. (Between May and September I almost didn’t post and only in November-December this blog became more or less populated).

    From 11 beautiful humans who supported me, I personally met and know only 6. Some people come and go, and some people stay with me from the beginning. I know that some of you don’t even read my posts and I totally get it. It’s not the point.

    The point is to attempt to break the system that tells us to go and get “real jobs” instead of doing what we like with our lives and bodies. Those financial transactions are very symbolic for now. However, they helped me to see my own art as an income source. This cost so much more than just 200 bucks!

    What’s next? (and one more round of gratitude)

    I want to state very clearly. My gratitude belongs to the people who supported me, not to the platform that took 8% commission from us all. The platform didn’t help me to get a single patron. All the leads were generated by my own website and activity on other social media. So after this platform blocked my other project I’m kinda questioning if they should be involved in the transactions further.

    I thank you all very sincerely for your support. Every person who has given me money online is automatically put on my thank-you list. Today I have 11 emails to which I am sending a password that you can save and use later for special treatments. I will never forget what you did for me.

    If you continue supporting me on Patreon, you can always use it to send me DMs. Patrons also still have priority for custom candle orders and events.
    If you are my Patron and read this – feel free to comment on this post or send me a direct message about the type of content you personally would like to see more of.

    But as of this month, I stop producing unique content for Patreon since I don’t want to encourage new users to open accounts here because of my content.

    I’m working on providing alternative ways to support me and will keep you informed. I hope you understand me.

    Love!

    Sicut

  • Patreon issue

    Does the value system in which we currently live always bring the wrong people to power? Or does power itself corrupts those who have the most to do with it?

    I don’t have an answer for you on that.

    But I can at least take steps to ensure that the wrong people have less power over me and that I certainly don’t help any of them to become more powerful in any way.

    I’ve already mentioned that Patreon really managed to piss me off and I gave myself time to calm down. But nothing’s really changed, I’m still just as angry as before that they’ve turned into a fucking corporation. Or have they always been one?

    The thing is, they didn’t do anything to me directly. They did a lot worse. They fucked someone I was helping and messed with my feelings by doing so quite a lot. I don’t forgive that shit easily. Especially when it comes to business.

    To change things, I first have to admit that I was wrong to promote Patreon, lock up unique content behind their paywall, and encourage others to get a Patreon account to see my content.

    I don’t want to do that anymore. I hope my dear patrons will understand: I appreciate your support, but I don’t want to create some kind of monopoly on how to support me.

    I’m not terminating my account on Patreon, but it won’t get the priority it had before. Let’s say it’s punished for now.

    What does it all mean?
    1. From now on I open the comments on all new posts and most of the new content will be public.
    2. I’ll provide more options to support me and my projects in the next few days.
    3. Some of the locked content from the past will become public too.
    4. Corporations should burn in hell.

  • Chaturbate theory

    Update 3 (06.02.23): yay, first tips received, so we plan to come back tomorrow, on Tuesday 7.02.23, 8 am Berlin time. Thanks for all the comments and shares.

    Update 2 (05.02.23): The next live cam show is scheduled for Monday, 9 am Berlin time.

    Update 1: done for tonight, thanks to everyone who joined, here are the resulting snapshots. We might continue, it was fun.

    I have to find out what happens if I allow people to sneak after my candle-making process live that I also intend to do dressed in outfits I usually wear at Kikatclub in Berlin.

    I’m not sure if I can fully explain why exactly I decided to test this theory before the others, but I’m very sure it’s one of those moments when it’s a lot easier just to do the thing and find out.

    Shall we?

    Here is the link to my Chaturbate account, but you can also watch me just here below

  • The first half of the reflection posts is published for patrons and the other half of last year (which I would love to publish) is still a huge pile of content to process. Technically and emotionally – both. Some events require more time to understand how I feel about them.

    Even though this post was also rotting in drafts for a while and I happen to devalue myself twice a day, it looks like the art of small steps is still working for me. Some progress is still happening.

    déjà vu

    Now I’m at the funny stage where it’s already time to have money coming from projects, but instead, I have another identity crisis to deal with. I’m not sure if it is a good thing in general, but I became so familiar with those crises, so it doesn’t even feel like a big drama. The world is falling apart anyway.

    Money topics used to be terribly unsexy for me by default and my project is partly helping to change this statement. I’m as curious as you are to see where it brings us.

    I heard so many people already telling me that my ideas are stupid and pointless, so I can’t wait to act and see for myself.

    Candle store

    In a few days, I’ll launch the candle store on my website, where only patrons and friends will get access first. Since I can’t produce more than 10 candles a day anyway they always will be up to limited availability.

    The first drop will be only available (to pick up) in Europe, a bit later I hope to offer worldwide delivery.

    The slightly crazy part is that I want to stream the process of making candles to smth like Chaturbate or so. I’m setting up an account there and planning the first stream for the next week. I think it should add to the uniqueness of the candles as well as entertain my inner exhibitionist. Would you watch me?

    Here is the video from our camera test with Sil last Wednesday btw.

    With a webcam deal, I won’t feel too bored too fast with this whole business hustle. Hopefully. Because now while making all the calculations, business plans, and procedures I can’t say I felt like it was something I want to do a lot.

    BUT. We all need money, and some of us also need good waxplay candles. Perhaps we can make each other slightly happier at this point.

    If you know me and would like to try my candles in exchange for exposure and honest feedback – contact me asap

    If you like my idea and would be curious to see how it develops, please support me and here is how:

    HOW TO SUPPORT ME

    or

    HOW TO BUY ME

  • My candle project intro is coming…

    …but not as fast as I would want it to.

    Yesterday was a day of technical misery and frustration; I was too ambitious about my plans and didn’t think everything through.

    So the issue was, that from two cameras only one was recording 😞.
    We will try again next week to make a proper tutorial for patrons.

    But for now, I just squeezed the 20 minutes into a single one, so we all can enjoy the butt of my lovely friend Lishka💕, who actually tried waxplay for the first time yesterday!

    Also, she could confirm that some of the candles are pretty mild.
    On the edge of boring.
    So we’re looking to fix that 🔥for the next time too.

  • Thank You! (reflection update and Psycho Dark gallery)

    June’s reflection brought me to not only publish that nude yoga video (June’s reflection part 1) for public observance but also to write this appreciation post, where I want to say a massive

    THANK YOU

    to the people who supported me with my exploration journey in 2022.

    First of all

    Thank you, Patrons! Without you believing in me at the beginning of this year, I wouldn’t be able to gather the inner resources to do what I eventually did.

    This website is the result of my fight for finding my own way in this life.

    The show is on, thanks to you.

    The reflection project is my attempt to make my blog better structured and more consistent. But I feel like it’s a great investment in life for people like me, who like to live fast and devalue our own achievements. It feels good to slow down, breathe, and look back.

    thank you, Ari Denaro

    For the door to the kinky Narnia backstage of Let’Z Fetish Academy that you so kindly opened for me, and thanks for supplying me with tools and techniques as well.

    Ari Denaro is showing how things are done. You can see me trying to compete in the background.

    But most of all, thank you for accepting me for who I am, accepting my ways, and the ethics that I carry. Thank you for your free spirit, curiosity, and will to understand new.

    I’m grateful for your trust. But you know this already. So just fucking big ass thank you, dear Ari!

    Another huge thank you goes to Julia Vilianen

    for the amazing headpiece, for being an even more amazing friend, and for all your talent and help! I can’t wait for the next round of creating something together.

    The outfit for Psycho Dark party in June that you see in the gallery below was done by Julia. I think I’d like to wear it more next year, I like I how it makes me feel. If you go to Ari’s website you can see more pictures from Psycho parties btw.

    thank you, PierreW.de for the pictures

    It’s always a pleasure to deal with you, and thank you for being so sweet.

    Here is the gallery. Enjoy!

    Thank you, beautiful Ángela. You were such a pleasure!

    Since I started naming people, I’m not sure exactly how to stop. It’s so many of you, my dear friends and lovers, to whom I want to scream: THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE.

    But let’s make a deal. I’ll name the Slut, Gene, and Sil because I already introduced them here and they are my closest family. Thank you, darlings, just for who you are.

    I also have to name Shanti and Kay, because they are involved in the recent posts. Shanti gave me an Interview about hooks and ropes, and Kay was once a very cool creative partner in crime I used her pictures to illustrate another post (Born weird) that I decided to make public this year.

    So the rest of the deal is that I stop naming people I want to thank, so we can all have our lives. And you start clicking on the links and getting to know me a bit better. Because that was the whole plan.

    Support my blog if you like the content. I’m planning to have a few days off from posting now, and come back with fresh nudes and stories. I still have so much to tell!

    Thank you all,

    love you,

    Sicut