Had very intense and warm 2 days with amazing people! 82 minutes of porn content to process, 2 ‘save the date’ announcements to make, still one birthday to celebrate.. not sure if I can and should list everything. The point of this post is mostly to help me getting used to posting here. And one more thing:
DEAR PATRONS! I gave you candles and didn’t take pictures of them or wrote down what I gave to whom… If you could send me pictures of what you got or post it and tag me, I’ll be very grateful. Thank you!
When I was a kid, I thought the world belongs to adults. At least adults behaved like it’s true: they could make their own decisions and had the authority to tell others what to do. I wanted to be one.
Later I started thinking that the world belongs to men. Or at least they behaved as if it did belong to them. I even joined their shitty competition for success and wealth. For a bit, it actually felt like money can give me the power to shift that balance. But I never managed to have enough to fully feel it. I got stuck in limbo, I could literally watch how it got harder and harder to earn money (because that’s how capitalism works), so my self-esteem for a while was tightly attached to my income. If I was successful – I felt like I deserve my place in the world, but I could never stabilize this status. I felt like I’m running behind the train, I still could see it, but I couldn’t catch it.
The worst part was always: dealing with authorities. Anyone official with the power to question me was making me feel small and insignificant. It never stopped me from getting things done, I started my own business when I was 19 and didn’t bribe a single person while running multiple companies in Russia for more than 10 years. Or 15? Depends on how we count, it’s kinda a lot anyway. This whole time I felt like I had to prove myself worthy almost every fucking day. What a cute idiot I was, huh?
When I left Russia, I thought it would be over. But different issues appeared. In Germany: I didn’t speak German, I didn’t have a proper job (I’m self-employed my whole life), didn’t have a single paper about my education (everything I know I’ve learned by myself). Once again I felt like an imposter, that must prove the opposite as soon as possible, or I’ll be expelled.
I have had suicidal thoughts since I’m 20. I never tried to kill myself just because I know that I’ll succeed. I’m too afraid of causing pain to people who care for me. And I was always lucky enough to have a lot of them in my life, so I keep breathing.
I’m telling you all this not to ask for your pity. This is my way of fighting back. I don’t want to show you my strong side without introducing you to the weak one first.
I had no idea that I was an HSP. People were telling me, that I was too emotional, and taking things too personally, getting angry over nothing, and creating drama where there is none… Don’t get me wrong: people keep telling me this also now. The difference is that now I know that it’s not me who is broken, it’s the world. This small knowledge changes so much.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please seek out help, here is the link. And please remember: You are not alone.
I’ll be unfolding the pain of dealing with some very basic things, like bureaucracy and… well, how to phrase it? Capitalism, I guess. I wish to let you see how it ALL feels.
What I am offering you here is to look into my soul along with my crotch. I wonder how many of you are actually brave enough to do this in the long run. I can promise to sweeten the pill with some hot and pervy content that I create for my Patrons. Since this creative process actually makes me feel whole.
As if the world belongs to me.
This is the first post out of 10 that I prepared to be available for free on this website and will publish by the end of the year. Besides personal stories and nudes, there will be an interview about ropes and hooks with Shanti, my first private-play-almost-porn video, short clips from my club sessions, 20 minutes of me doing naked yoga on my legendary balcony in Berlin, and some other weird stuff that I find interesting.
Follow me on social media for updates, share my posts, and spread the word about my project if it speaks to you. I want to be seen. I’m ready.
Let’s get to the crotch part already!
edited pics
My husband took those pictures of me and my cat in our Berlin flat when one of my lovers wanted to borrow some outfits and I volunteered to model. I edited a few of them first, but then I questioned myself: what for? I hope you appreciate this kind of intimacy.
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thank you for your attention, support me on Patreon to unlock other content 😉
The world of social media is way too fucked up to take it seriously.
This website is my main resource and the best way to stay updated about new posts here is to send me a blank email to newsletter@sicut-dico.com
All social media accounts are run by me and if you behave nicely I’m totally reachable.
Mastodon is my favorite bubble, for now, so I feed it with nudes from time to time.
Accounts on Instagram and Reddit are mirroring this website. I don’t generate content for them. I still like to connect with people there but keep in mind, I’m highly allergic to unwanted advice and stupidity.
You can follow me on Chaturbate to get for sure notified when I’m online.
For specific fetish events, requests, and more info on how to serve me go to Fetlife (friend requests accepted from people that I met IRL only).
Even though being an overachiever is a lot more socially acceptable than being an alcoholic, I can’t recommend that addiction either. Mondays used to be my most stressful days for at least a decade of my life. I could pile up one week of tasks in one day, and expected myself to be productive enough to deal with it with a smile.
I was constantly overloading myself and every Monday felt heavier than the previous. First I started hating them. Then I was afraid of them. Later even terrified. And then the punishment concept appeared.
Actually, I stole it from someone I’ve never met but followed on social media, and I still feel extremely grateful to this person for such wisdom.
So for the last few years, my Mondays are punished. I don’t have an alarm on this day, I take a bath before breakfast and refuse to be stressed out. Like. At all. Fuck you, Monday stress!
For instance, my #1 task on to-do for today’s list says: to plan the orgy. I think it’s an acceptable task for Monday and once I’m done with it, I might consider the other ones.
Feel free to borrow this concept too. Take care of yourself and don’t let Mondays stress you out
Let’s get to know each other. This post might be a point of extra interest for all kinds of exhibitionists, but not only.
I’m inviting subs, slaves, bottoms, pets, pain sluts, and princesses of all genders to join our projects: shows, film productions, and private experiences under my personal supervision.
It’s important for us to create safe experiences, thus the careful and respectful selection process of potential participants, which includes an online application and further personal meetings for a cup of tea and a chat. This is done for the sake of safety and mutual respect. Kinky networking will be available too.
No judgment. No discrimination. Be respectful and patient.
Gene is like a sibling to me, also a talented artist, passionate activist, and generally a very kind person. But I’m also their manager. Well. We use this word for people who respect the concept of artists being fully dependent on labels and streaming services.
For everyone else, I’m Gene’s pimp. I’m simply helping them to survive in this shitty world and literally not get fucked by clients or corporations. Fucked in a bad way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against fucking. But I really care for things to be consensual, and unfortunately, this is not how the world treats artists at the moment.
If you would be interested to learn more about how I help Gene to gain their independence as an artist, leave a comment.
Otherwise, we are happy to invite you to our first live concert after the pandemic, link to tickets and more info is here.
My palms are sweaty and heartbeat elevates when I´m typing this text. This feeling of excitement and anticipation. I absolutely love it.
I guess things could never happen in any other way. This post is about the real day One: when I´m kinda going to work and my job will be spanking everyone´s butts. How awesome is that?
Of course, the story hasn´t started yesterday. But before a was just a trainee visiting the club, then things kinda escalated and thanks to Ari Denaro I ended up being in charge of the dungeon for the very first time. Tonight.
Having this event on the first weekend of pride month is a special pleasure on top of that. I know it´s July in Germany, but I can´t care less. Pride month should be every month.
See you in KitkatClub tonight! Join us for workshops and sessions with Let´Z Fetish academy, let’s keep the place safe and kinky together.
First things first: this is a queer space where respect is a top priority, so please be kind to each other and then feel free to be weird as well. There is no place for judgment.
Now we get to another important topic. Which is – me, of course. What else could this blog even be about? It´s about my dark side as well as it´s about self-love, acceptance, vulnerability, and control. Or the absence of control for some.
First I wrote: “It’s about becoming a Mistress.” – but it´s not exactly correct, I have to tell you because there is no becoming of any kind happening inside me. Unleashing – perhaps is a better term. Mistress has been there the whole time, not sure if it´s just her alone. I could describe the process as an inventory of possible personas and characters hidden inside me. Some of them are more ready to get out than others, but I can guarantee, that even for me this is highly fascinating.
What else? I like to introduce myself as a kind pervert, a passionate exhibitionist, and a curious explorer of the limits and borders of my own and others. On my non-kinky side, I´m happily partnered for life, living in an open marriage, low carb enthusiast, a marketing strategist, and mental health activist. But this blog also has a sub-task of teaching me to take myself less seriously, so let´s stick to the kinky part.
Anyways! In my quest for world domination, I decided to start with your butt. So pants down because I will spank it with stories of my kinky explorations.
If you like what I do consider supporting my work or follow me on social media and help spreading the word about me, whatever you choose, you are welcome here.
