I have no pictures on my phone from last Saturday and half of the performance that I did that night unfortunately was not documented at all.
However.
slides from the performance on 25.02.2023 at Kitkatclub Berlinslides from the performance on 25.02.2023 at Kitkatclub Berlinslides from the performance on 25.02.2023 at Kitkatclub Berlin
That night for sure is going to stay in my memory and most likely in the memory of others who witnessed the show. Some pictures are coming for sure, but later. Today I only give you a chance to see how Gene was seeing me in the last few days. I have to say, I’m feeling inspired and refreshed.
As if we got one step closer to overthrowing capitalism and killing putin at the same time.
leather chain by Danilov Harnessoriginally this was a skirtbut I mostly wear it on my chestI got this item as a gift from a lover from DniproI’m wearing it weekly for already more than a yearthe quality is quite good!I’ll show you more ways of using it soonsupport Ukranian fetish brands
I’m very grateful to my colleagues from Let’Z Fetish academy and Ari Denaro specifically for letting me do my art and supporting me in my craziness.
ALSO! A huge thanks to Ben for being so helpful and brave, sorry I burned your wiener!
Another gallery of pictures where I’m already a lot more dressed shows the process of packing and signing candles. I don’t buy any special package material, all candles are packed and signed by me, and with packing materials that were already in use.
Gene has a few more candles in Berlin for picking up. The store is close to being launched. Now preparing drops for Paris and London and can accept 1-2 custom orders.
That’s more or less it for now and the train is almost arriving in Prague. Thanks for reading me.
I’m grateful that you decided to try my candles, and if it’s your first time, the basic info below is meant to make your experience safer.
Please read it carefully before playing!
what do you need to know about waxplay to enjoy it?
No hard rules have to be followed apart from consent and safety. Things can be very, very, VERY different:
sensual and slow with single drops,
intense and intriguing with solid streams of wax,
in combination with impact play,
mixed with sex toys,
also, you can turn your Sub into a human candle holder.
Whatever you do, you can absolutely do it and, (as other strangers on the internet would confirm, you have the right to choose whatever suits you best to explore your kinks. Do what you like, if it’s safe and consensual, everything else is totally optional).
Below I only describe things so you might consider them, but only the person lighting up the candle knows exactly how the play will go from there.
This is where the control exchange begins and all the beauty of it.
negotiation
Consensual power exchange starts with respect to this power on both ends. Being in charge is also a responsibility. At least this is how I see it.
Every session must begin with the negotiation stage and the party starts right after. For shy people, I can recommend negotiating some details in text messages (it’s always helpful to give all sides enough time to think things through), but I personally enjoy having little chats with my victims face-to-face about the following topics:
safe words (red, green, yellow – always work well);
areas on the skin where the wax will be applied and where it should not go;
what else is going to happen or what should not happen;
where exactly will the play happen (because waxplay can be messy)?
Wax play is essentially pain play, and even though my candles can be quite mild, the whole point of the game is to produce the chemicals in our brains. And as far as I know for those fuckers pain and pleasure can be exactly the same thing. But how to get there – everyone has their own unique recipe.
room preparations
Well, let’s start with the practical side: you might want to care for the furniture, leather surfaces, and carpets because it might be difficult to clean the wax from them.
You also might want to plan the escape path to the bathroom or shower for your victim.
If I have to improvise I usually use a bedsheet to cover the floor or wherever the sub is placed, or I cut a few big garbage bags and tape them to the floor.
A good Pain game takes time and patience
It starts with making sure everything goes through the steps so the pain level increases slowly. It’s always nice to start with hands. Just spank the spot. Or massage if you want to keep things sensual.
Everyone is different, don’t assume, ask. Explore together with your partner(s).
Always try new candles on your own skin. Ask your partner about allergies. Ideally – make a little test before playing.
do and don’ts
be careful, and remember the pain delay: the drop lands and heats a few seconds longer (try for yourself)
do spank, massage, or pet the area before
do combine with other practices and sex toys
do ask for feedback (at the beginning especially)
be creative and enjoy the mess
don’t surprise people with waxplay
don’t play with intoxicated people and watch yourself with substances
don’t ignore the fire safety basics
don’t play in an environment or location that will hate you for the wax after
don’t use candles as dildos! (they soften from body temperature)
where to put wax and not
first, start with a 20 cm distance between skin and flame, don get too close to the skin!
keep the wax away from the eyes and ears
be careful with hair
genitals are okay, but only after gaining specific consent
Removing wax
Removing the wax from the skin is much easier once it’s completely cooled down.
Thicker layers of wax fall off in bigger pieces, while single drops might stick to the skin more. You can try to prolong the play and scratch the wax from the skin with nails or something made of metal. Another fun activity is to whip the wax from the skin with a flogger, but I’m not sure if it’s still about basics.
aftercare
Give the Sub some peace after the session. No jumping around for the first 5-10 min, and in general the longer the play was – the longer the aftercare should be. Of course, everyone is different, and some people might feel very active and elevated after, while some are tired and empty.
Applying creme or aloe vera gel on the skin after the session might be very pleasurable and recommended as part of an excellent aftercare protocol.
After long painful sessions, aftercare is essential and is highly important to help process the experience and leave the most positive memory of the play.
Here is the video that I promised you earlier. I hope you have some fun watching us with Lishka. Let me know what you think!
Updated. Here is a minute of vertical material from my phone. Later I’ll spill parts of it on social media, but patrons get it al now.
This time we made 10 candles, got 3 tokens of tips, some new followers, nice compliments, and dumb questions, of course.
I definitely enjoyed the part about being watched but it’s we know this already.
Knowing that I’m probably confusing the shit out of the audience by not playing menu games or anything that they used to expect there adds a special flavor.
I also liked the part where I chained my Elf to the stairs and went for a break. We should do this more often.
Tomorrow I plan to not only make candles but test them and take pictures of them for the store.
Yesterday was a day of technical misery and frustration; I was too ambitious about my plans and didn’t think everything through.
So the issue was, that from two cameras only one was recording 😞. We will try again next week to make a proper tutorial for patrons.
But for now, I just squeezed the 20 minutes into a single one, so we all can enjoy the butt of my lovely friend Lishka💕, who actually tried waxplay for the first time yesterday!
Also, she could confirm that some of the candles are pretty mild. On the edge of boring. So we’re looking to fix that 🔥for the next time too.
June’s reflection brought me to not only publish that nude yoga video (June’s reflection part 1) for public observance but also to write this appreciation post, where I want to say a massive
THANK YOU
to the people who supported me with my exploration journey in 2022.
First of all
Thank you, Patrons! Without you believing in me at the beginning of this year, I wouldn’t be able to gather the inner resources to do what I eventually did.
The reflection project is my attempt to make my blog better structured and more consistent. But I feel like it’s a great investment in life for people like me, who like to live fast and devalue our own achievements. It feels good to slow down, breathe, and look back.
For the door to the kinky Narnia backstage of Let’Z Fetish Academy that you so kindly opened for me, and thanks for supplying me with tools and techniques as well.
Ari Denaro is showing how things are done. You can see me trying to compete in the background.
But most of all, thank you for accepting me for who I am, accepting my ways, and the ethics that I carry. Thank you for your free spirit, curiosity, and will to understand new.
I’m grateful for your trust. But you know this already. So just fucking big ass thank you, dear Ari!
for the amazing headpiece, for being an even more amazing friend, and for all your talent and help! I can’t wait for the next round of creating something together.
The outfit for Psycho Dark party in June that you see in the gallery below was done by Julia. I think I’d like to wear it more next year, I like I how it makes me feel. If you go to Ari’s website you can see more pictures from Psycho parties btw.
It’s always a pleasure to deal with you, and thank you for being so sweet.
Here is the gallery. Enjoy!
Thank you, beautiful Ángela. You were such a pleasure!
Since I started naming people, I’m not sure exactly how to stop. It’s so many of you, my dear friends and lovers, to whom I want to scream: THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE.
But let’s make a deal. I’ll name the Slut, Gene, and Sil because I already introduced them here and they are my closest family. Thank you, darlings, just for who you are.
I also have to name Shanti and Kay, because they are involved in the recent posts. Shanti gave me an Interview about hooks and ropes, and Kay was once a very cool creative partner in crime I used her pictures to illustrate another post (Born weird) that I decided to make public this year.
So the rest of the deal is that I stop naming people I want to thank, so we can all have our lives. And you start clicking on the links and getting to know me a bit better. Because that was the whole plan.
Support my blog if you like the content. I’m planning to have a few days off from posting now, and come back with fresh nudes and stories. I still have so much to tell!
(CW: nudity, self reflection from march 2022 written a year after)
Let’s begin with the reflection session results this time. I started with taking pictures. I tried different angles, but the look from the bottom seems to be one of my favorites.
In the process, I decided to spank myself a little. Mostly to make that slow-mo video, but also to get a reminder about the sensations that I give to others. It felt good.
Another video was originally just to choose some snap-shots from, but I like how real I am there.
Now let’s get to the story I have after reflecting on March 2022
Pain and pleasure essentially are the same thing. Sensations. Sometimes we forget about this fact. But it’s all in our heads. I had a painful butt for a week in March, and I enjoyed every day of it hurting just because it was my decision to get that damage.
We humans are very funny creatures indeed. Every time I sat down I was feeling the pain, but I liked it, and even now, after almost a year I feel a lot of positive emotions about that pain. No memories attached, really. It just felt good.
It was a roller coaster month otherwise. I had absolutely incredible experiences, and the darkest moments of this year as well, all mixed up.
I started Patreon, but kept writing in russian, and even though I already understood that it had to stop, I kept following the old program. I guess I was just not able to not write about some things.
On the positive side – I got better at finding adventures for my ass. I met Ari and started using Fetlife. More of my fantasies became actions. For the first impact play workshop, I chose to go for a switching session, and not only tried all popular spanking devices that are offered by Let’Z Fetish Academy at Kitkatclub but got a nicely bruised butt with exactly the same choice of tools back. The results you can see below.
But this was my fun life
My real life continued falling apart. Most of my income directly involved russia. I had a European franchise business there, I was consulting on marketing and business strategy, basically, I was a bridge between the modern western world, where I lived and consumed information, and the post-Soviet purgatory, that had just opened the gates to hell.
Balancing those two lives brought me questions.
Which one is real?
Which one should be real?
Can I make a living out of blogging about all this?
The concept of the blog I had before seemed like a setup to failure. (I had about 8000 followers of russian-speaking audience on Instagram, where I was posting about keto food and open marriage experiences, but that was more of a side project for me to digest emotions and feel seen.)
What do I have to offer? I knew I like to be seen, and I like to interact with an audience. I was craving the excitement of playing with them, and being in control of the game. I fantasized about the attention of many. Not necessary to like me. But to notice me. Acknowledge me Feel something. But fantasies and reality are not easy things to connect, so I’m glad I believed in myself enough to follow the art of small steps and explore what it brings.
February was a disaster month. The first half of it I was battling post-covid depression and weakness in my body, and just when I started climbing out of it, the war started. I wanted to die from that virus. I had so many plans and hopes that crashed. But also so many doubts that just received concrete solid confirmations of the worst. Workwise, I was utterly unhappy. I had a lot of projects, but they all seemed pointless. Stupid games, where the only factor that mattered was money.
I realized that wasting my life in order to just chase money or do something else with it was actually in the range of my control. It had to be something else. But the reality was brutal and dark. The world seemed to be all about money. Or the power that money brings.
How the fuck do other people not freak out about this as much as I do? Why does everyone seem to find it all somehow acceptable? Am I the only crazy one?
The day after the war started, I went on a date. On the way, I thought it was a shitty idea. I was empty. But that date was a blast, I swear I had nothing like this before. It felt like I opened some magical door in my body: all the sensations got an upgrade. Every orgasm was stronger than another and I didn’t feel overstimulated. In fact, I wanted to have the levels of stimulation that my sensitive body was never ready to experience before. I sort of managed to relax into it. I don’t know how many times I came that evening, it would be foolish of me to even attempt to count. And at some point, of course, it stopped..
My legs were shaking for an hour afterwards. The best I could do was a joke that I probably overdosed myself on sex for a few days. But I came home and realized that I was horny again. Another thing I remember thinking, looking in the mirror: I was happy.
Happy, horny, and ashamed of it.
I think I was kinda ashamed of that horniness. Good thing I had my therapist. Together we accepted the positive truth: it felt good. And that was the most important thing. As if my body decided to give a reward for all the stress and sadness it had endured.
So I can almost say I was prescribed to have good sex for mental health reasons. I think it was a very good trick. Almost like it wasn’t my decision, because I wasn’t exactly sure if I deserved happiness. I mean this kind of happiness, especially.
Why not?
I didn’t realize that I was still so attached to Russia and the mentality that it programs into people. That shame of horniness was definitely a gift from my past. I was still trapped in the concept of being “a good girl”.
And good girls are not horny all the time, and they definitely don’t plan their life around sex events.
…happened shortly before the war. Since I wanted to visit more venues that hosted kinky parties, one of my lovers invited me to a club I’d never been to. We planned that date for quite some time, tickets were bought online, and the process of choosing the outfits and discussing other details was one of the pleasant things that month, actually helping me to feel better. Pink hair also wouldn’t have happened without that party plan.
I was sharing this story with my followers on TG, but back then I was still writing mostly in russian. That was the only text I wrote in English that month. I think I didn’t really understand how hard it is to just switch languages. But I’m glad I didn’t understand that back then, it didn’t stop me from taking the small steps forward. It is worth the struggle.
I was postponing this post for a while because I wanted it to be perfect. But friendship is not about being perfect, it’s about staying in touch and helping each other to move forward.
Same for teamwork. This post continues the “about me” storyline. I don’t function without people. And I decided to start with one, who is getting more helpful every day and making the blog finally live its life. I hope this post will get her some appreciation that she deserves.
Sil is my assistant. We met on tinder, and she is fantastic! She covers my calendar, content production flow, supplies for our candle factory, brings food, and gives me massages. The bitter part about Sil – she is a refugee from Ukraine with children and our work is… let’s call it hectic. So we try to structure the task flow and use email for this purpose a lot.
Btw if I took pictures of you during our session and you still didn’t get them, or we have another kind of unfinished business – please send your request to
sil@sicut-dico.com
This post is only to start mentioning the people who help me to create this blog and make other things happen. For now, I just list them and link their websites or social media, if such exist, and later I’ll tell you more about each one of them one by one:
In November, when this post was published and I only started working with Sil – we were preparing to survive the hell season for me.
This time I was somehow extra irritated by the hallmark teddy bear postcard aesthetics and ended up asking people on social media: if they could create their own kind of postcards that reflect their true feelings, what would they write on that postcard? What would be The Message to send or to receive?
I got a lot of different answers. Way too many to pick one or 10. So the solution was obvious to me.
The best message is the one that works for you. So it had to be personal.
Image drawn by Sil’s daughter on one of my notes and used as a base for the postcard generator, which is going to be available to play with on canbed.one
Since I like to make things complicated you won’t get the full story of this project right away. Here I only introduce a new team member – Sasha Whiteorcherstra, welcome on board! Soon Sasha will explain the details behind the image on the postcard and perhaps some other mysteries too.
I met Shanti through the kitkatclub’s dungeon master, Ari, and on the first evening, she taught me how to make a handle for a human.
Questions for Shanti I gathered from my Instagram audience and one of the popular ones was – how do the scars from body suspensions look like? Here is the answer from Shanti’s back.
The Pillow talks idea was one of the most ambitious this year, I thought I’d make them once a month. Haha. The next one should be with Ari Denaro, btw. let’s see. Below you can see the key topics with time stamps, and links to videos that I used from Shanti’s Vimeo account.
This conversation was recorded in two 20 min pieces in my study in Berlin with 10 minutes break, my idea was to make it fast and real. It’s definitely real, I didn’t cut off much material. The “fast” part obviously leaves room for improvement.
From my pimping side, I’d like to inform you about options to use my service to book a workshop, session, or a show with Shanti in Berlin or Prague, if you need a partner or want to be tied up you can also leave your contact here, or simply write your request to booking@sicut-dico.com. If you are too shy for all that, at least follow her on Insta.
0:30 – introduction
1:30 – ropes or hooks?
6:00 – the difference between traditional shibari and rope art
7:30 – workshop introduction
8:30 – different ropes for different sensations
11:00 – workshop levels and my personal experience
13:00 – about partners for workshops
16:00 – workshops for advanced levels
17:30 – jumps and suspension with hooks
18:00 – Shanti’s first jump and personal experience
