For around 10 years, I lived in a limbo of anxiety and self-doubt. I understood that I was weird. I got that part. And I also understood that it wasn’t always a bad thing. But I still had no idea how to live with it.
I moved to Berlin and realized I was an alcoholic. Yes, I know how that sounds. Why would I come to such a realization in a city where avoiding drugs can be quite the challenge? I don’t have an answer. It just happened. One day, I woke up, found an empty wine bottle I had hidden the night before, brought it to my husband, and confessed. He had no idea. I was good at hiding it.
That moment is one I’ll never forget. It was hard: scary, first of all. I felt exposed. Broken. Ashamed. Lost. But also liberated. I didn’t feel strong at the time, but now I can’t ignore how much stronger that truth made me. Not all at once, but day by day, it’s started to feel like a superpower.
That’s how I traded one addiction for another. I don’t need substances if I can be honest. Alcohol was just a tool to numb the pain of not being accepted for who I am.
CW (credits, live event feedback, art and capitalism mentions, words underlined rainbow are links)
If you enjoyed our show, please tip the artists with your attention now.
(Follow them on social media, buy their art, and tell your friends about them. It all counts. They put in huge, amazing work, yet most of the compliments came my way as the organizer. While I deeply appreciate it and will do my best to pass it along, let’s show the artists some love directly too!)
Massive thank you to all for your trust and efforts
First raw feedback
The show went great, and the sound was amazing! We’re totally happy with the results and can’t wait to share the recording with Mycelium members once it’s ready.
On the production side, things were a bit hectic. Not only did we face a DDoS attack on bogolepov.eu, but we also dealt with a chain of last-minute cancellations and fallbacks. Thankfully, we managed to work through it, but I want to acknowledge there’s definitely room for improvement for next time.
It was wonderful to see such a beautifully mixed crowd of over 150 guests, with queer and straight people of all ages coming together. I’m still collecting feedback, so if you have anything to share, I’d love to hear it!
We’re currently processing the accounting. Once calculations are complete, I’ll share more details about the financial side. The photo reports are coming up, Mycelium members already can see it.
Surviving Capitalism with Art, Sex, and a Dash of Traffic
(CW: politics, sex for sale, marketing, strong personal opinion)
As Bogolepov performs at Kantine am Berghain on September 4th, we must address the elephant in the room. Born in Leningrad, she fled Russia after releasing Mother Russia in 2017. Given our stance against Putin’s aggression in Ukraine, Mother Russia won’t be played live when we want to share love and hope. Instead, it and Serpent Song, a new track exploring a dictator’s psyche, are part of our project with BOGOLEPOV: requiems of tomorrow, meant to be heard in spaces like embassies of the terrorist state
In our latest project, “What the Fuck is Sicut Dico,” we’re tackling the wild world of surviving as artists under capitalism. (And yes, the first three episodes are already out!). Right now, we’re all about driving traffic to our websites—mine features nudes, and Gene’s offers music. I didn’t pick money and sex as mediums just to stir the pot or get rich quick. Nope, I believe they’re powerful tools to shake up the system.
Now, I know some folks might get offended by what we’re doing—whether it’s the mix of names, nationalities, or our professions. But this message is for those who can see beyond that. We can’t beat fascism with more hate; only love and art give us hope. And we’re eager to share that with anyone who’s ready to accept it.
Here’s where things get fun: since August, I’ve been buying ads on FetLife. Imagine Facebook, but way more fun because you can put a dick on your avatar and list all your kinks. The crowd there? Open-minded, kind, and honestly some of the most interesting people around. These ads cost me $500 a month, which feels like a solid investment in reaching the right people.
Next up, I want to buy traffic from Ukrainian creators, offering them the same $500 for a month’s worth of mentions. All I ask in return is that they share links to my work or Gene’s, with some tracking I’ll provide. How do they do it? Totally up to them. The goal? Let’s build a bridge between English-speaking audiences and those in Ukraine or Russia who get what we’re saying in English. Because let’s be real, this isn’t just about Ukraine vs. Russia or any single conflict. The world’s more complex than that, and nothing is truly black and white.
And here’s the best part: I’ll be publishing monthly updates on how this traffic is working out. Expect the first update to drop after our big show at Berghain. It’s all about keeping things transparent, fun, and, most importantly, creating a space where love and art can thrive. I will explain more on the way.
*naked – for me means beforehand honesty and purity, sexual aspect of nakedness is secondary, although still extremely important. But staying true to myself comes first. So my naked thoughts come along with my naked body
**marketing – an art of informing on what is available for a consensual, usually, monetary exchange with accountable profit for all parties involved. Ideally with long term effects.
Why do I have to write all those catchy headlines like NAKED MARKETING?
Because it is the only way to find out who i really am (that I find acceptable in order to not loose myself in self promotion)
to “FOLLOW” this project send any email to wtf@sicut-dico.com (empty email is ok, feedback is welcome too)
Any unauthorized use of my name, video, photos or audio in any form, now or in the future, is NOT permitted without my express written consent. Any act to promote or profit in any way (e.g., monetarily or socially) from the use of my name, video, photos or audio in any form in my profile is a violation of my privacy and may be subject to legal action
(CW: addictions, politics, nudity, profanity, capitalism and war mentions. Watch your screen time, highly addictive content)
The first episode contains 4 vertical videos, 2 text posts, 3 music tracks, and photo galleries with 30+ photos. Full showcase watching time is around 6 minutes. Scroll down for separate pieces and hidden messages.
Reflection (text) posts with music and photo galleries:
to “FOLLOW” this project send any email to wtf@sicut-dico.com (empty email is ok, feedback is welcome too)
Any unauthorized use of my name, video, photos or audio in any form, now or in the future, is NOT permitted without my express written consent. Any act to promote or profit in any way (e.g., monetarily or socially) from the use of my name, video, photos or audio in any form in my profile is a violation of my privacy and may be subject to legal action
Nansea (ˈnænsi) is the musical moniker of Berlin-based musician Marek Polgesek. With their music, they create a queer indie/chamber pop sound that goes beyond the traditional singer-songwriter style, while paying tribute to gender nonconforming artists that inspire them. Their sound has been described as a ‘more whimsical Rufus Wainwright’ and reminiscent of Thom Yorke and Sufjan Stevens.
AntiShanti will help us maintain the kinky atmosphere, we’re hoping to find the right ropes to offer (in limited quantities) simple harnesses that you can wear overnight and keep the rope as a souvenir
Here is Shanti and an example of that harnesses she can make for the guests
Of course, we’re also preparing a shibari show, so come early to see it. Doors open at 7pm. For more details on the kinky side of the event, go to fetlife. Below is a gallery of what to expect from Shanti.
What is so special about the show?
For me, every show is a discovery of new forms of communication and establishing invisible connections that we build with the people who come to see it. Although I normally put a lot of effort into planning & creating a performance, it’s the unexpected that makes every show magical to me – every audience is different and I love forming a language that we all understand at each of my concerts.
Everyone who wants to have a few hours of freedom to be themselves, dance, compliment each other, get to know the queer culture in it’s essential and meet new friends.
What is ‘queer pop’?
Queer Pop, as we see it, is a sort of pop music that does not correspond to established ideas of mainstream pop. For Gene it’s a manifestation of creative freedom, where she is not afraid to mix genres without limitations. Ah, and such music is made by a queer artist, indeed.
This event is queer and hetero-friendly, welcoming everyone to celebrate together.
Why should you share it with a friend?
Because this is the only way for them to know about our event. We are not using traditional marketing. So yes, tell your friends about Bogolepov’s music and if they like it, come to the show together.
How to support:
Money for music: Buy a Mycelium subscription. Or choose one time donation.
Pay It Forward: Buy an extra ticket and let us give it to someone who needs it.
Kindness: Share this post or tell your friends about our show.
Both:Buy our sexy music and share it with friends! To get free tickets, email us. Know someone who’d love to come? Share this information with them.
What to expect from the event:
We aim to give you the party of a lifetime, without the hangover. Doors will open at 19:00. This post will be updated with more details, feel free to ask questions.
So dress kinky, slutty or come in your pajama. Our show is an audio-visual-sensual experience, featuring two concerts and immersive performances.
singles collection is now available on all streaming platforms (search for BOGOLEPOV)
Who we’re crafting this event for:
Sensitive individuals seeking intelligent experiences with mindful substance use. The bar will be open as usual, but we’ll have more alcohol-free options than usual.
We encourage a sober evening filled with dancing, singing, and kindness to each other. Enjoy the company of like-minded people and feel safe to be yourself – that’s what we like to get high on.
Everyone who buys a ticket or joins via Mycelium gets a link to join our networking chats.
Rewrite it, screenshot it, share the link, or tell your friends in an audio message. Anything help! Love sees no borders or absolutes, and we are stronger together.
We’re still giving free tickets to the show in Berlin to those who can’t afford them. For everyone else, please support our business model. Someone has to pay the bills!
Special guest:
LoboLoto
Synth Pop, Dark, Triphop, Transcendental Alice Lobo (Vocals, Synthesizers, Guitars, Keyboard) Vince Gagliardi (Drums, Percussion) Emerging from the shadows of an industrial urban landscape, LoboLoto is a hauntingly hypnotic band that seamlessly blends the pulsating rhythms of synth pop with the brooding intensity of dark wave, all while weaving in elements of transcendental mysticism. Formed in 2015 as a solo project of Alice Lobo, LoboLoto has just welcomed Vince Gagliardi to make the sounds even more defined and at the culmination of an experience on the edge of esotericism. Alice Lobo, the ethereal voice and primary lyricist of the group, channels the mysteries of the cosmos and the depths of human emotion through her haunting vocals bringing a unique blend of elegance and enigma to the band’s sound. Vince Gagliardi, also known for his projects Vū and The Nent, is a multi-instrumentalist and drummer who adds layers of rich melodies and dark, driving rhythms. His background in electronic music, combined with his penchant for complex arrangements, creates a sonic depth that is both immersive and expansive. LoboLoto’s music explores themes of existential longing, cosmic transcendence, and the eternal dance between light and darkness. Their last album, “Metamorphosis” released in January 2024, isa critical and commercial success, praised for its innovative fusion of genres and its deeply emotive resonance. Tracks like “Come Back To Life” and “Heaven” became anthems for those seeking solace in the night. Known for their visually stunning live performances, LoboLoto combines immersive light shows (when possible) with captivating stage presence, creating an otherworldly experience that transports audiences to a realm where time and space blur, and only the music remains. LoboLoto invites listeners to join them on a journey through the shadows, towards the light of self-discovery and cosmic connection.
CW: (mentoring session review, strong personal opinion)
How do you know if the session was useful?
I spent years in therapy, mixed with coaching, before I understood what was useful and what was harmful. Today, I have very clear criteria. A good coach will almost never tell you what to do. The best ones just listen and ask questions that make you think deeper or see another perspective. That’s pretty much what I was looking for. And what I got.
Last month, I booked an online mentoring session with Her, and it was absolutely amazing and insightful (no sarcasm, I’m deadly serious here). She supported me and said, “Looks like you are all set.” I thought so too. We made a plan.
I was supposed to go to Berlin to film the last bits of season one, shoot a promo campaign, and launch it all at once. However. I badly underestimated my own marketing powers, slightly overestimated some people, and a bit forgot how rude and chaotic Berlin can be.
Long story short: My plan went to shit.
None of the play spaces confirmed my reservations. My editor left the project indefinitely. A week was lost to German bureaucracy. Now, I’m behind on posting plans, content production and promo requests. By now, all six episodes should be out, and I should be on vacation.
It’s not all bad. I got a lot done. Gene’s tickets are on sale, posters are almost ready, many artists are on board, and the first content is leaking into mainstream media — even TikTok. God forgive me.
How is this connected to her?
Well, I thought you are here to learn how dominatrix’s are made.
I initially thought the call was just a vibe check. I was greedy, thinking I needed an in-person meeting to get all the skills and wisdom right away.
I told Her I was grateful for that 30-minute session. And it meant a lot to me to support another sex worker with an online payment. However. Only weeks later did I realize that session worked as therapy for me—a damn good one. And I need another.
So, here’s my honest feedback:
Her calm, professional communication made me reflect deeply on my goals and rethink my summer plan. I realized I don’t need to be greedy. I have plenty of time, and a lot of work is already done.
If I keep running like before, I won’t have time to enjoy the results of my hard work.
So for now I am publishing this post, booking another session with her for this Friday, and checking in to a spa hotel.
This is technically our fourth moon together. If I wasn’t still convinced that we all need to learn more about co-existing with our addictions instead of dividing them into good and bad and derailing our healing process, I’d probably abandon the concept of the event. Especially after doing my own reality check by talking to and visiting a few organizers of different types of sobriety events.
It is not an easy task to learn how to party sober. I know. But I belive in us.
Btw here is a sober rave in Berlin on the 10th of August.
So today I’m posting my message of support and I intend to read it on video. Gene is preparing some musical surprises as usual. The lunar peak is over. Thanks to everyone who sent me love or requests for support. I’m glad we’re together through this.
Here is the link to the IG account dedicated to the event.
CW: unconditional love, justification for the desire to co-create
(We send each artist mentioned official requests to their managers with specific details at the same time as the posts with their names are published)
Dear creator,
Whoever you are, young artist or big star, if I mention you here, it’s because I’m grateful to have you in my life. And to have my life the way it is today. In my darkest moments, YOU AND YOUR ART have helped me to keep on living and fighting. And that means a lot to me.
Thank you for what you have brought to life.
Thank you for being brave.
For being true.
For the strength you have given me, and perhaps many others, by not only showing the stronger sides of life with your art.
Your powers are incredible.
On top of my gratitude I am trying to give you my bravest and most honest version.
I reach out to say that my main goal, by mentioning you here, is to share with many other people my knowledge about you. The experience that you have brought. I believe I am a bridge that can help connecting things don’t easily come together. I m sure you are one too.
Since people already accused me in mentioning you to try to get your attention, or profit from your name, fame, etc. Well. Of course your attention would flatter me.
However.
I don’t expect anything more from you than to be who you already are.
If you happen to find my work interesting or see how your creativity could benefit from collaborating with mine, I’ll be more than happy to help you or provide more information on my resources.
If you’d like to give my project a shutout, contact me for personalized tracking links first. Also I have small budgets for promo this year I will not pay to platforms. Only to people.
If you would like me to stop mentioning you, please let me know, I will respect that.
(CW: marketing, strong personal opinion, suicide, war mentions)
In the more than a year that the shop has been in existence, I’ve received enough complaints that the whole concept is simply disturbing, confusing and above all that the user has to wonder who is Oxxxymiron, or who is Marina Abramovich, or if they know both, some are even more confused and annoyed that I’ve dared to name them in one place. Since this distracts them from the product, they leave the page before buying. What a shame.
We live in an age of reactions and post-reactions. People see what they want to see. I have to explain myself if I want my message to remain clear. So… If this project is close to your heart in any way and you need clarification, here it is. Please read carefully. Words underlined in rainbow are links.
Wax play store update
It was always and foremost an artistic project. The performance is still going on as this is being read. Making money with this shop was never the main objective. Although all the candles I produced sold out almost immediately, that’s the main reason why the shop is empty today: I don’t have the time.
So what’s the point of creating such a mess if I don’t even make money from it?
Because I could and felt obliged to do it. And that’s still the case today. No regrets. Only advantages. I still can make candles any time I need them, so I have the product for myself. I can always make some extra cash with it if I need to. I have amazing collaboration tool. I can go on and on, but here is the cherry on the top of my cake of reasons to do what I did.
Even if you find this page and this idea utterly disturbing and never buy my candles, all I need is for you to wonder about one of the names I’ve mentioned. The power of art will do the rest.
Technical part. How to get the candles
For now, the only way to get them soon is through Gene’s Mycelium, we have a unique batch that we made in Portugal this winter and we will be giving it away to the fan base first.
Please don’t send me offers based on making money from my ideas. If you need candles in large quantities and of any quality, I’m not your dealer either.
If you want to make your own candles or collab on this topic, email me, I need help and I can teach you.
For wax play performance requests, check out this article.
Ideological part
Now let’s get to the part where I try to explain the connection with the names. And trying is the key word here. Those who are not ready to understand will always find a reason to be offended or whatever.
Why Marina
If our planet had to choose the art ambassador to send to an assembly with other civilizations, I wouldn’t think of another candidate. If she says no, she will probably propose a suitable alternative. So we should ask her anyway.
Her work embodies the curiosity and honesty I’ve found hard to embrace in myself. She’s not afraid to do so many things that others can’t even imagine. She understands this world so much clearer and, what’s particularly important to me, she shares it with other people. She is one of the bravest and most selfless artists.
If the Kremlin’s investigative committee wasn’t campaigning for him, I’d never have listened to his music. But I did and now I’m hooked. I listen to a few songs in the shower almost daily and it helps me deal with my anger.
This is the only artist i bought a ticket and went to a live show since pandemic. If you know me you should know how much it speaks for the artist.
I know all the lyrics aren’t accessible to English speakers, but if you want to try it, do. It’s hard to recommend where to start, but below are links to songs from different years that I listen to particularly often.
The last call (2010) is an officially extremist song about school shootings. Oida (2022) the re-assembling set in my store was inspired by this song. This one is fresh.
This whole mixtape I would recommend to play extra loud if you have some russian speaking neighbors. Solid character test.
How dare I
Because I want to live in a world where we’re not afraid to say: you inspired me to create! Where we treat each other first and foremost as human beings with feelings.
I understand how privileged I am to be able to simply allow myself to create a product that is not designed to be sold to all. I also understand the confusion. Even the attacks and demands.
I am grateful beyond words for all of it.
I wouldn’t be who I am today without the artists I mention on this site. If any of them ask me to remove their name, I will.
Please don’t take offense on their behalf though. Here’s an open letter to the creators and influences mentioned on this page or likely to be mentioned in the future.
Here is a gallery of photos from the candle making session in Portugal.
