Does the value system in which we currently live always bring the wrong people to power? Or does power itself corrupts those who have the most to do with it?
I don’t have an answer for you on that.
But I can at least take steps to ensure that the wrong people have less power over me and that I certainly don’t help any of them to become more powerful in any way.
I’ve already mentioned that Patreon really managed to piss me off and I gave myself time to calm down. But nothing’s really changed, I’m still just as angry as before that they’ve turned into a fucking corporation. Or have they always been one?
The thing is, they didn’t do anything to me directly. They did a lot worse. They fucked someone I was helping and messed with my feelings by doing so quite a lot. I don’t forgive that shit easily. Especially when it comes to business.
To change things, I first have to admit that I was wrong to promote Patreon, lock up unique content behind their paywall, and encourage others to get a Patreon account to see my content.
I don’t want to do that anymore. I hope my dear patrons will understand: I appreciate your support, but I don’t want to create some kind of monopoly on how to support me.
I’m not terminating my account on Patreon, but it won’t get the priority it had before. Let’s say it’s punished for now.
What does it all mean?
From now on I open the comments on all new posts and most of the new content will be public.
I’ll provide more options to support me and my projects in the next few days.
(CW: nudity, self reflection from march 2022 written a year after)
Let’s begin with the reflection session results this time. I started with taking pictures. I tried different angles, but the look from the bottom seems to be one of my favorites.
In the process, I decided to spank myself a little. Mostly to make that slow-mo video, but also to get a reminder about the sensations that I give to others. It felt good.
Another video was originally just to choose some snap-shots from, but I like how real I am there.
Now let’s get to the story I have after reflecting on March 2022
Pain and pleasure essentially are the same thing. Sensations. Sometimes we forget about this fact. But it’s all in our heads. I had a painful butt for a week in March, and I enjoyed every day of it hurting just because it was my decision to get that damage.
We humans are very funny creatures indeed. Every time I sat down I was feeling the pain, but I liked it, and even now, after almost a year I feel a lot of positive emotions about that pain. No memories attached, really. It just felt good.
It was a roller coaster month otherwise. I had absolutely incredible experiences, and the darkest moments of this year as well, all mixed up.
I started Patreon, but kept writing in russian, and even though I already understood that it had to stop, I kept following the old program. I guess I was just not able to not write about some things.
On the positive side – I got better at finding adventures for my ass. I met Ari and started using Fetlife. More of my fantasies became actions. For the first impact play workshop, I chose to go for a switching session, and not only tried all popular spanking devices that are offered by Let’Z Fetish Academy at Kitkatclub but got a nicely bruised butt with exactly the same choice of tools back. The results you can see below.
But this was my fun life
My real life continued falling apart. Most of my income directly involved russia. I had a European franchise business there, I was consulting on marketing and business strategy, basically, I was a bridge between the modern western world, where I lived and consumed information, and the post-Soviet purgatory, that had just opened the gates to hell.
Balancing those two lives brought me questions.
Which one is real?
Which one should be real?
Can I make a living out of blogging about all this?
The concept of the blog I had before seemed like a setup to failure. (I had about 8000 followers of russian-speaking audience on Instagram, where I was posting about keto food and open marriage experiences, but that was more of a side project for me to digest emotions and feel seen.)
What do I have to offer? I knew I like to be seen, and I like to interact with an audience. I was craving the excitement of playing with them, and being in control of the game. I fantasized about the attention of many. Not necessary to like me. But to notice me. Acknowledge me Feel something. But fantasies and reality are not easy things to connect, so I’m glad I believed in myself enough to follow the art of small steps and explore what it brings.
launching Patreon was not a spontaneous desigion. I blogged already for a few years (in Russian of course) on InstagramI liked blogging, but I didn’t want to be trapped in one platformThe adventures of my ass continued, I was crazy to share that experience with other, my audience in the blog I had back then wasn’t ready to see the next pictureThat’s not how popular Instagram content looks like. At least from the perspective of the majorityHere I’m celebrating the launch of Patreon and still trying to ignore the language issue I’m trapping myself inMoments of sadness are there too, but I keep planing adventures, just with a sad facecat recovered after covid and went into siren mode screaming at the door every day. So I took him for a walk along the wallthe bruises are with me for the rest of the monthI start playing with different cameras and my head start generating ideas for cam showsSharing the lovers with other lovers turns out to be extra fun. But not without dramaone of the sunny mornings, when I woke up and started writing a text right awayThe world is falling apart, but at least I’m taking care of myselfGene is just being fabulous and always there to help with my dramaAm I a pimp now? Do I like this idea? Fuck yesMe and the cat looking into the future with hopetelling Gene about my pimping career and bruised buttHard to explain why this picture makes me smile, but it does and it reflects the mood I had in March 22, so here it stays
