Sicut-Dico

Tag: Kay

  • Thank You! (reflection update and Psycho Dark gallery)

    June’s reflection brought me to not only publish that nude yoga video (June’s reflection part 1) for public observance but also to write this appreciation post, where I want to say a massive

    THANK YOU

    to the people who supported me with my exploration journey in 2022.

    First of all

    Thank you, Patrons! Without you believing in me at the beginning of this year, I wouldn’t be able to gather the inner resources to do what I eventually did.

    This website is the result of my fight for finding my own way in this life.

    The show is on, thanks to you.

    The reflection project is my attempt to make my blog better structured and more consistent. But I feel like it’s a great investment in life for people like me, who like to live fast and devalue our own achievements. It feels good to slow down, breathe, and look back.

    thank you, Ari Denaro

    For the door to the kinky Narnia backstage of Let’Z Fetish Academy that you so kindly opened for me, and thanks for supplying me with tools and techniques as well.

    Ari Denaro is showing how things are done. You can see me trying to compete in the background.

    But most of all, thank you for accepting me for who I am, accepting my ways, and the ethics that I carry. Thank you for your free spirit, curiosity, and will to understand new.

    I’m grateful for your trust. But you know this already. So just fucking big ass thank you, dear Ari!

    Another huge thank you goes to Julia Vilianen

    for the amazing headpiece, for being an even more amazing friend, and for all your talent and help! I can’t wait for the next round of creating something together.

    The outfit for Psycho Dark party in June that you see in the gallery below was done by Julia. I think I’d like to wear it more next year, I like I how it makes me feel. If you go to Ari’s website you can see more pictures from Psycho parties btw.

    thank you, PierreW.de for the pictures

    It’s always a pleasure to deal with you, and thank you for being so sweet.

    Here is the gallery. Enjoy!

    Thank you, beautiful Ángela. You were such a pleasure!

    Since I started naming people, I’m not sure exactly how to stop. It’s so many of you, my dear friends and lovers, to whom I want to scream: THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE.

    But let’s make a deal. I’ll name the Slut, Gene, and Sil because I already introduced them here and they are my closest family. Thank you, darlings, just for who you are.

    I also have to name Shanti and Kay, because they are involved in the recent posts. Shanti gave me an Interview about hooks and ropes, and Kay was once a very cool creative partner in crime I used her pictures to illustrate another post (Born weird) that I decided to make public this year.

    So the rest of the deal is that I stop naming people I want to thank, so we can all have our lives. And you start clicking on the links and getting to know me a bit better. Because that was the whole plan.

    Support my blog if you like the content. I’m planning to have a few days off from posting now, and come back with fresh nudes and stories. I still have so much to tell!

    Thank you all,

    love you,

    Sicut

  • Born weird

    CW: longread, russia, strong personal opinion, (+ full gallery unedited Milk bath by Kay Hues)

    I was born in Siberia, in a town with 700 000 population, but so conservative that the word “bisexual” I learned somewhere in my twenties already in Saint-Petersburg.

    While living in my hometown, I knew that there are gays and lesbians, and both things are “bad”, I knew that I didn’t fit into both, nor did I fit into “normal” teen society. I didn’t call them straight people back then. I didn’t have the concept yet. I just knew: I didn’t fit. I could feel it almost every day. 

    Snowboarders accepted me somehow when I was around 12-13 and, damn, it was a great part of my life since then! I was I weirdo, but thanks to snowboarding – I was a cool one. Also hanging out with older cool snowboarders made me an unpleasant target for bullies. Not without my help of course.

    Very early I learned to use reputation instead of actual fists and to anticipate the fight or start it first but on my own terms instead of ignoring or avoiding possible attacks on my weirdness.

    Back then I hated it. The weirdness I mean. I WANTED SO FUCKING MUCH TO BE JUST NORMAL. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t understand why everyone is so serious and fixed on their gender roles.

    Why should I date guys if I’m attracted to girls too?

    Is it just me?

    What happens if they know that I’m pretending to be one of them, but I’m actually not?

    Why do I feel so much? 

    The only thing keeping me sane throughout my first 16 years of life was traveling and my mom helping me to see the world. She was taking me to different countries and different places abroad. Not just to resorts and beaches, but to capitals, museums, flea markets, theatres, and other places where I could interact with different cultures.

    The magical part about this kind of traveling was that I also realized quite early – weird is not always bad. The world is huge and full of different things.

    I was far from accepting my own weirdness, but I could enjoy the weirdness of other people. And It was giving me hope. 

    When I turned 17 I moved “to the cultural capital” as I liked to call it back then. It was 2003, and it felt amazing after the village where I grew up.

    The bookstore on Nevsky had more than 5 kinds of gay magazines. No one gave a fuck. I was however very confused about my personal interest in gay magazines.

    They WERE CLEARLY NOT MEANT FOR ME. Why was I so attracted then?

    If I ever write a proper memoir, the chapter about my life in Saint Petersburg should probably be called:

    ME, TRYING TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE, AND FAILING AT EVERY STEP.

    To some people’s standards, I could even call myself successful. I got my first flat. Then another one. I worked in the fashion industry and met some famous people. I had a relationship. Nice one to some people’s standards.

    But I was utterly unhappy. It all just felt wrong.

    Fake. Sad and pointless. 

    As if I didn’t live my life, but someone else’s.

    …

    Photos by Kay Hues